“Just finished a big bowl of popcorn chicken and thought a few pieces had a weird texture.”

“Left my lawnmower outside overnight and something chewed through the gas tank and… Drank the gas?”

“Today is my birthday and the city bus was honking at my car crazy and then hit my car from behind TWICE on purpose in the middle of heavy traffic.”

“My roof was struck by lightning tonight and now water is leaking into my attic. Sheetrock beginning to sag in my kids room. Been up since 0330 getting everything moved out of that room before the ceiling gives way. Rain is forecasted all morning.”

“Good fishing by the dam I hear”

“Bought a “big” tube of super glue…”

“Someone decided it was a good idea to use the oven to warm up expanding foam.”

“Decided today I was going to take a different route in the construction zone to get to work.”

“My kid got ahold of my recently found iPhone 4S. Planned on retrieving photos and It’s going to take a few guesses for what the password is.”

“Drunk driver pulled out in front of my fiancé and I”

“Fedex put our graduation cap and gowns on the dumpster on trash-day. We graduate in 1 week.”

“Neighbors light beaming us lol“

“Girlfriend spent two months on this puzzle.”

“So there I was enjoying a lemon Caesar salad. Then bam! This little guy comes out of nowhere.

“Uncovered my car from winter hibernation to find out the seals rotted on my t tops/windows and leaked all winter.”

“My mom just opened her newly ripened avocado ..seed?”

“I had a sh#tty day, so I ordered a depression pizza. It arrived like this…”

“Bought a tv stand off of marketplace. Seller neglected to mention they had four cats that pissed all over it for years.”

“The result of the kids brushing their teeth.”

“Just unboxed my new monitor and tried to swap to a new HDMI cable”

“Got a cramp in my leg that caused me to hit the gas just as I was parking in front of a concrete pillar.”

“A recent graduate bought his first car. All the tires of the new car got stolen.”

“Birthday Cake has been delivered this way.”

“My daughters water bottle is not dishwasher safe”

“Took my car to a mechanic to get my AC fixed. Apparently their guard dog used my car as a chew toy.”

“Kid threw change in my AC vents”

“Accidentally paid off my car, putting me deep in the red. Meant to to make my third payment on my new (to me) car, must have hit the pay full amount button and didn’t notice until I got the congratulatory email that my car had been paid off.”

welp...

“Thought my backpack was waterproof as it started pouring while I was walking outside. It was not. Finals are in 4 days.”

"My landlord decided to set up his washing machine in the garage. That spot is our assigned parking space."

"Well my lake ran away from home"

"Great hangover"

"Have a 102 fever. Decided to make soup."

"Protip: Don't cheap out on your door stops."

"My GF put her makeup set in her luggage"

"My airpod somehow got in my mouth and I chewed on it in my sleep."

"Forgot my mozzarella sticks on oven too long."

"Well, found the reason the mall escalator was out of order today…"