Masturbating is the oldest hobby in the history of the human race. Well, that and dying of dysentery. And for far too long us men have resorted to beating our meat like animals trapped in a cage. We hide in the corners spanking our monkeys and choking our chickens and honestly bros, it's time we stop. Not masturbating, but doing it like primitive savages addicted to cranking it out. 

In honor of 'caning the vandal' youth, we proudly present to you, 100 ways to masturbate like an adult.