10 Reasons why I love living where I live.

Once upon a time my husband got a really good deal on an apartment.   See, the owner was a "higher up" in the local Hell's Angels Chapter, and used this property as a way to launder drug money and such.   According to my husband he used to be an awesome landlord who was quick to have repairs done, and never worried too much if the rent was late.  Unfortunately he's gone to jail now, and now it's owned by a struggling real estate agent, who, well... he's no Angel. 

It's not bad though.  Not only do I have cheap rent, I have 10 other reasons why I wouldn't move.

1. No grass to cut.
Who needs grass?  All it does is sit there and grow.  You have to water it, cut it, and take pride in it's greenness.  Fuck that.  I'll stick to pavement thank you very much!

2. Awesome neighbors.
 My recycling bin has been stolen on a few occasions.   I won't bother getting another one because my neighbor has offered up a great solution.  See he collects cans for a living, so all I have to do is fill a garbage can full of cans and bring it downstairs.  He does the rest.  Everything else can go in the dumpster that's conveniently located behind the bar next door. 

3. Near-by Emergency Services.
I live down the street from the hospital, and I'm located in between the two fire stations that service this entire town.  There's always cops staking out one of the many crack dens nearby, so I know that help is never far away.  Not only that, I feel more involved in my community knowing exactly when there's an emergency.  I get to hear every siren that goes off here.  It's nice to know what's going on.

4. Free Entertainment.
I get free entertainment coming from all directions.  If it's not karaoke night at one of the 4 bars within staggering distance, the guy in the back likes to play the same exact song over and over and over again. He's getting pretty good, and if he didn't smoke crack, he could probably make it somewhere in life.  If there isn't awesome music playing, I'll just wait until say 11pm or so and watch one of the daily fights.  I can always count on a drug deal gone bad, someone caught stealing something, or even just a drunken couple breaking up.  

5. The Park.
It's probably the coolest park in town, because it's not like normal parks with stupid loud kids, and swings and shit.  It's a bar, called The Park!  Genius!  It's where young coke heads like to hang out and find bitches. "Mom, I'm going to the park to hang out"  "Ok Billy, have fun!"   There's always a really nice car parked out front.  One day I saw a mint Dodge Viper... I bet there's no dodge vipers at your neighborhood park, is there? 

6. Friendly Community.
Yesterday I went and did some laundry.  To do so I have to go outside and go around the building to get to the stairs leading into the basement, where the laundry room is.  So yeah, went down put my shit in the machine and when I came back up there was a guy from the bar next door with a pair of my underwear in his hands.  "I think you dropped these" with a VERY friendly grin on his face.   It's a good thing he didn't leave them there... some pervert could have grabbed them and I'd be out a perfectly good pair of panties.

7. Free Car Advice
I don't have a backyard, what I have is way cooler.  A mechanic and auto-shop!  Pneumatic tools, tow truck back up alarms, and grinders to metal is like music to my ears.  It's like being at work 24-7!  If the mechanic isn't too busy fucking one of the local prostitutes, I'm welcome to ask him questions about any weird noises coming from my car.   He looks like a dumb ass, but he's really a very smart entrepreneur. 

8. Low square footage.
Some people would think that living in about 300 square feet is a bad thing.  Not me.  It really makes everything easier.   My husband and I can have a conversation with each other no matter where we are. If I want to make myself a sandwich all I have to do is walk about 4-5 steps from where ever I am to get to the kitchen.    It may look small to most, but it's the biggest apartment in the whole complex.  We have something everyone else doesn't - 1 bed, 1 bath.

9. My Building's For Sale.
If I ever want to become a real estate agent, I could because I have experience.   At least once a month I have the opportunity to show off my apartment to potential buyers.  "Ample closet space for growing pot, large windows with amazing views of the bar next door.   It could use some updates, but it's mostly cosmetic".  They always say things like,  "I really like how you've utilized the space in here.  You've really made the best of it".  And I'm glad because it took me and my husband a long time to figure out how to make all of our furniture fit.  

10.  Free Antiques
I love the old-school theme to my kitchen.   I am the proud care-taker of one of the very first electric stoves!  2 of the elements don't work that well, but I can't think of one thing you can cook that requires the use of more than two.  And if that craps out on me, I always have my antique microwave.   Bigger than most window air conditioner units, this baby can pop three bags of popcorn at the same time.  It's loud, and things take at least a minute and a half longer than the directions on the box, but that's ok.  A good meal is worth the wait.

I absolutely love my apartment!   People tell me that I should save up for a house, but I simply can't see where they're coming from.   Home owners - what's with those people? 

Uploaded 09/27/2012
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