48 Hours Mystery: MacDreidel.

Welcome back and thank you for tuning in - in today's rather truncated episode of "48 Hours Mystery," we shall journey into the depths of the mind of a psychopath. A man who can neither process rational thoughts nor even attempt to. A man whose childhood that has been tormented by multiple readings of the Torah that it may even make a typical Israelite cower in fear. A man who is willing to destroy the basic infrastructure of eBaum's World by continually preaching his nonsensical jibber jabber through a series of propaganda and working along side the demon child, Gyps, and PepperPeanut (somebody we will cover in another episode). This man's name is MacDreidel and, to our dismay, the story behind this man's craziness is not for everybody due to its graphic nature. Viewer discretion is advised. 

The year was 1986 in San Francisco, California. The city was gradually transforming from a tolerable city to a smug riddled rat hole filled with irate homosexuals and boisterous Jews. Among the group of boisterous Jews was a family, a family that consisted mainly of a father figure, a mother figure, and a son figure, each struggling to survive the dangerous city of San Francisco. The father figure was a well-built and robust man whose main purpose in this 1986 society was striving to become a successful rabbi at a nearby orthodox Jewish synagogue. After preaching the Old Testament/the Torah to his respectful Jewish audience, the father figure would venture to the gymnasium, where he would shoot up steroids with his other peculiar yet muscular rabbi brethren. The mother figure was a typical housewife, yearning to become popular among the other Jewish housewives by participating in latka baking contests and eating a copious amount of gefilte fish to fully envelop herself in the Jewish experience. Overall, the Jews were tolerated in the city of San Francisco, where they were able to practice their religion with minimal persecution. 

This turns us to our character of concern, MacDreidel - a rather tranquil and shy young boy who gracefully practiced his religion of Judaism and zealously wore his San Francisco 49ers yarmulke, littered with red and gold. MacDreidel normally contributed himself to society by holding food drives for his synagogue and by shipping the cans raised to Israel, where hungry children would feast upon them. Mac also won a plethora of awards for his overall character and stance on certain political issues, such as abortion and same sex marriage. 

We can clearly note the altruistic behavior displayed by MacDreidel as a young boy as he never really acted selfish in any situation whatsoever. This, however, changed on November 21st, 1988, when Mac and his family went to see "Abraham: The Death of His Son Part II" at a nearby theater. After the movie, the family jettisoned from the theater into a dark alley, where they were instantly approached by a shadowy figure who demanded for the mother's pearl necklace and the father's Star of David necklace. Being a muscular rabbi, the father managed to ward away the intruder with a ninja Star of David star but alas, the ninja star accidentally ricocheted off one of the walls in the alley and killed his wife. With rain dripping down from the father's long Jewish locks, he looked up into the sky and bellowed a "NOOOOOOOOOO" (see: Star Wars, Darth Vader) as MacDreidel, stricken with fear, observed the entire incident. 

Days after the murder of MacDreidel's mother, things began to change - Mac started to withdraw himself from society as the roided rabbi father began growing insane. He couldn't cope with his wife's loss and began ventilating his pain by taking it on MacDreidel. The father did not physically harm MacDreidel but rather drilled the poor boy by forcing Judaism upon him. If MacDreidel was caught reading the Christian Bible or even caught praising the New Testament, the father would ram a dreidel up the boy's urethra (to this day, legend has it that MacDreidel has at least ten dreidels in his bladder hence his urinary infection). MacDreidel was forced to uptake a strict kosher diet, where the boy couldn't even eat a slab of cheese with a pound of meat or drink a dairy product. The boy wasn't allowed to date non-Jewish girls and when he was forced into a date by his father, he wasn't allowed to kiss the girl, hug the girl, or even make eye contact with the girl to preserve the strict rules behind Orthodox Judaism. 

In 1995, MacDreidel was competent enough in attaining a degree from Woody Allen University in Brooklyn, New York but, unfortunately, his father was unable to attend his graduation as he was found dead in 1993 due to a matzo ball overdose. Although Mac (pay attention: he began referring to himself as Mac to truncate his name) was finally freed from his father's chains, the damage was too deep to mend as Mac started seeking for a way to eliminate every religion that opposed Judaism, firstly by constructing a time machine, traveling back in time, and initiating the Crusades between the Christians and the Muslims over the so-called "Holy Land" in present day Palestine. This, however, did not kill every Muslim and Christian as when he returned, everything was still the same. Mac then attempted to force Hitler's Jewish grandmother to show more affection but that only made Hitler even angrier at the Jews thus leading to the Holocaust, which Mac attempted to prevent but failed as he couldn't take on the entire Nazi army. 

In 2001, Mac moved back to San Francisco, where he met his first male Jewish lover, PepperPeanut, which was totally not foreseen as homosexuality is normally looked down upon in both the Old and New Testament. Nevertheless, Mac enjoyed Pepper's presence as Pepper normally babbled on and on about various attempts to invade an innocent Internet website and claim it as their own. The couple desperately needed money to support their two Nigerian children as Pepper's dead end job at Apple wasn't sufficient enough and Mac was too paranoid over Christianity and Islam. That being said ...

... in 2009, Mac and Pepper joined allegiances and managed to drive Mr. Eric Bauman from his beloved website eBaum's World and began profiting from stealing videos from YouTube and other outlets and making money off of the views. Stupidly enough, people began buying into the hype as they reluctantly gave in their precious time to earn eBones to purchase plastic items to decorate their front lawns. MacDreidel currently occupies his time in the eBaum's World chat room, looking to dispose of the non-Jewish individuals who speak lowly about Judaism as a whole. Mac's master plan is to force everybody into Judaism to avenge his mother's unfortunate and tragic death. 

Until next time, take care.
Uploaded 07/06/2011
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