4th of July from Hell

For a 16 year old, hotdogs, hamburgers, and diet soda is the norm for a 4th of july. But this last year, I decided that I was a teenager, I wanted to do "bad things", Go to parties, and not be such a douch-bag. So I heard about a party, up at a kid named Matt's house.

I didn't know matt, he was a graduated senior who was part of the "popular" croud. I didn't know most of the kids there infact, becuase they were graduated seniors. And, I was a sophomore, with a tight group of friends that didn't mingle to often with others, and had never really been to a high-school-only-seen-in-the-movies-type-party (beer pong, kids all over the house, dancing, keg, etc..) So I had to go. It might be my only chance to get drunk and loose my virginity.

Me and my friends, Peter and Eric head up to the party. But we're 16 and dont have a car. My older sister says she's going to the party, and isn't drinking, so I can get a ride if I absolutly need one, as long as i give her money for gas. Good deal for me, so I give her $5.So we walk about a mile from Erics house, when we see another kid that we know from school...who gives us a ride. We go near the edge of town, untill there aren't street lights. Just a long dark road lined with houses. Follow that for a while, and you take a turn up a very steep hill. With no streetlights, road conditions you'd think your in Guadalajara, and enough drunken teenagers, something bad was bound to happen.

I felt like i was frodo going to destroy the ring. Except unlike the hobbit, I was trying to get laid. We make it to the party, and holy shit there are alot of kids there. I would say 150-200 kids. Kind of situation where every room was filled with people, the porch was filled with people, the garage had people in it, even closets had kids in them. I should have checked to see if kids were in the washer and dryer.

Eric and I buy a $20 sac, and have a few shots. So we're talking to different people and I get to know this girl Lacy pretty well. She's my older sisters friend, but she has a rockin body and about a fifth of vodka in her system. She says she has a car and she needs to show me something in it. (im young but I know what that means). But on the way out to the car, Eric and Peter see me and run up asking where I'm headed. Just as I thought my friends were cock-blocking the shit out of me, I see flashing lights. Im not from the hood, but I know to run when you see those.

So I ditch the bitch, and me and My friends start running down that dark,steep, sketchy hill. As I'm running, I step into a pot hole, and hear a crunch. I look down at my ankle, and its pretty swollen. I'm so high and drunk, I can't tell if its pain, or if there are rainbows on my ankle. I ask my friends(which was a stupid idea). You know how everybody thinks they have some special knowledge of injurys, you hear the "Oh my unlcles a doctor, I know for sure what to do" and shit like that. Well its hard having 2 people who are really high and drunk tell you that your ankle is swelling up becuase its telling your body that your not hurt. Sounds to me like the stupidest shit i've ever heard. but im drunk and high, running from the popo, what else am I gonna do? So I take off running. I see some headlights, and think "good, ill get a ridE". WRONG. who ever was in the car, was driving to fast, and did not see my giant 6'4" body in the road, and nearly hit me. I jump into the bushes with my ankle all flared up.

We reach the bottom of the hill, and go about a mile on flat land. Once we get into the light, we can see that my ankle is 4 times the size of my other one. I call my sister at about 1 am and say "Hey my ankles fucked up, can I get a ride". Her responce was "I've been in bed for an hour, fuck you". So I keep running and now I can tell that the rainbows around my ankle have gone away, and my sock is bloddy. My high is wearing off. We flag down a car, and its my sisters buddy, Nate. He says he'll give us a ride, but warns us he's very drunk. So we're going down the middle of the road...I mean like half way inbetween our lane, and the oncomming traffics lane. But anything is better than walking at this point.

We reach Erics house and I get out. I want some tylenol or something but my friends wont give it to me becuase it says not to mix it with alcohol. My ankle is so sore at this point.I get a call from Abby telling me how she's still at the party. She's talking about all the cool fireworks that are going off, and described the "strobe light" firework that was going on right then.

After I got the X-ray back, and realized I had broken my ankle, fractured it in two places, and torn a ligament...all becuase I ran down a hill on what could have been a minor fracture.

I realized in the end that the police I was running from was actualy a strobe firework, The girl I wanted to hook up with lost her virginity later that night so some other shmuck, and that I had lost the rest of my bag of weed.

Fuck my life. Why oh why did they light off flashing fireworks.

Uploaded 08/07/2008
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Tags: 4th july funny