5 True Facts That Will Change The Way You Look at Star Wars

The fictional world of Star Wars has been stretched beyond goatse proportions to make room for storylines from a thousand  different cartoons, comics, video games, coloring books, and Taco Bell collector's cups. And unless this stuff is branded as part of the "official" lore, neckbeards won't buy it, so Lucas Arts has decided that all this crap is 100% true. Here are some of the weirdest facts from Star Wars canon.

5. Darth Vader Drinks His Own Piss


Darth Vader loves to guzzle his own kidney lemonade. No joke. He loves it so much, he has a feature built into suit that channels his urine into storage for future drinking.

"No... [takes a big gulp of piss] I am your father."

"It was therefore easier for Vader to receive nourishment through liquids, intravenous and otherwise, and to rely on catheters, collection pouches, and recyclers to deal with liquid and solid waste." (see link below)

4. Han Solo has been Exposed to Alien Jizz


"Han Solo, former Imperial officer, sat despondently at a sticky table in a dingy bar... in demand for the jizz craze that was sweeping the galaxy." --  The Hutt Gambit by A.C. Crispin (pages 1 and 5)

Back in his spice smuggling days, Han Solo would swing by the Mos Eisley cantina to enjoy some hot funky alien jizz. Chewbacca wasn't that into it, but he still liked to watch. It would give a whole new meaning to "Han shot first" if "jizz" were something other than a type of music in the Star Wars universe.


3. Nien Nunb (Lando's Copilot) is from Kenya


From Wookieepdia (see link below): "Nunb was voiced by Kipsang Rotich, a student from Kenya, in his native tongue of Haya. In the movie, Nunb can also be heard speaking Kikuyu, another Kenyan language."

Foreigners and space aliens are same thing as far as George Lucas is concerned.


2. The Hutts are a Race of Hermaphrodites


Does it shock you to know that this vaguely male blob thing is also vaguely female? Viewed as a man, Jabba is little more than a disgusting slob... but as a quasi-girl, he's potentially desirable to shemale BBW fetishists who like to have their faces smothered by large, amorphous fleshpiles.


1. Luke Skywalker's Entire Life Has Been an Illusion


That's right. It turns out that the hero of the rebellion never even existed. George Lucas himself has commented on Luke's immaterial status, referring to him as "imaginary" and "a fictional character."

George Lucas, fiction writer
Uploaded 07/03/2012
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