50 Shades of Lame

I kinda figured the latest craze in the genre of "porn for bored housewives" would live up to its name; pretty bland with spastic bits of soft-core and incorporating all the usual cliched kinks. Turns out it was pretty accurate.

While at the mall this afternoon, I saw it on a store shelf. With a smirk, I figured I'd take it off its tiny section on the store shelf and settle down for a nice, lengthy perusal. After all, people in this day and age are buzzing about it, right?

Of course, cliche fits the title quite well, incorporating into its threadbare writing the traditional hetero semi-relationship, mild-to-moderate (at best) psycho-sexual tension, endless paragraphs of pillow talk, prosaic load-shooting descriptions, and even a lengthy section on... (gasp!) spanking. Spanking?? You serious with this lame shit? That was it. I had to put that crap back. How anyone could consider such a redundantly watered-down excuse for giney-tickling literature "hot" is beyond me. And frankly, it's embarrassing.

Perhaps if you're 80, you could say this and all the other soft-core lameness geared toward dried-up, menopausal women, taps into some dark, dirty, untouched recesses of human desire. For the rest of us, in the age of the web, it's a whole new world of sexual excitement out there. And people are too busy living it to bother with the traditional romance novel.

Pornographic literature, fiction, and fan fiction stories, sagas, and accompanying artwork number in the MILLIONS. In fact, the vast majority of it belongs on specialized sites frequented mainly by women. Many of the works, especially the ones involving male/male relationships/sex, are 90% written by women, for women - and vary greatly (and unbelievably) in kink level.

Regardless of what you want, or who you are, it's all there, and it's all free. From a simple one-shot PWP drabble to a massively-involved, 50 chapter porn saga steeped in angst and erotically-tumultuous tension, anything and everything is available: Hetero, homo, bi, anal, group, PWP, drabbles, songfics, original works, crossovers, AU, angst, spanking, masochism, futa, death, angst, rape, voyeurism, tentacles, Xenophilia, torture, violence, S&M, Dom/sub, male pregnancy, body mods, anthro, abuse..... the list goes ON. It makes me wonder if the author, or any of those book writers, let alone their readers, get what half those labels mean.

And tons of online fiction authors are so masterful at capturing the subjectives involved in the most fervent of sexually-charged encounters it defies description. These people could win a Pulitzer for making America come en masse.

Yet they remain unknown, save for ardent fan circles. Given a publisher and a nice black/white book jacket, they'd blow the roof off any bookstore as well as blow a hole in your underpants.

Next time you have the urge to check out some really steamy fiction - easily categorized for you to locate exactly what's right for your tastes - remember to support your internet authors. is one of my favorite sites - not to mention my own work is published there too! ^__^


Uploaded 08/09/2012
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