60 Minutes: PepperPeanut.

The final piece to our trilogy is the life story of our infamous moderator, PepperPeanut, who not only enshrouds his presence in the chat room by appearing invisible but also enjoys basking his poor self in the tears of dead children. Please read on if you wish to learn more about our so-called "glorious" and "well-respected" moderator, PepperPeanut. 

It was the year 1954 - Mr. Peanut and Mrs. Peanut went on a honeymoon to Las Vegas, where their main goal was to gamble away all of their life savings. Mr. Peanut, dressed elegantly in his monocle and his top hat, went down to the Hooters' Casino Hotel off the Las Vegas strip and spent a good portion of his life savings playing baccarat with his fellow companions, Tony the Tiger and Captain Crunch, and shoving peanut shells in the waistbands of the Hooters girls. 

One night, Mr. Peanut drank copious amounts of alcohol, attempting to drown away in his sorrows and hopefully wind up with one of the Hooter girls in his hotel bed. Unfortunately, the next morning, Mr. Peanut awoke next to his wife and to his dismay, did not see any used condoms lying around or any birth control boxes to ensure himself that he did not have unprotected sex the previous night. Since he DID have unprotected sex, nine months later, Mrs. Peanut gave birth to a baby girl, whom she named Pepper. Pepper was an extremely cute baby who had the black beady eyes of her father and the elegance of her mother. 

When Pepper turned three, however, things began to change as her cuteness abruptly eroded. Pepper, unlike the other three year old girls, detested playing with Barbie dolls and opted for drawing penis figures and eating Play-Doh. Her parents obviously grew worried, wondering if Pepper is mentally unstable or is undergoing a gender crisis. By age five, Pepper started ghost jacking (pretending to whack off a penis as the penis is unavailable) and Mr. Peanut grew irate over the entire situation; by this, Pepper was taken to a plastic surgeon, where the surgeon and his squad successfully stitched on a penis and clogged up the vagina. 

After the surgery, Pepper's procedure was officially announced as the first successful gender transformation surgery as Pepper went from being a girl to a boy. The parents rejoiced as well as the surgeons ... even Pepper himself was proud of his new gender. Although the surgery APPEARED to be successful, clogging the vagina was ultimately a huge mistake as when Pepper experienced puberty, both his stitched penis and clogged vagina underwent certain transformations. 

While Pepper certainly saw his penis undergo the typical stages of male puberty, deep under that was his vagina, scraping unused ovaries along the uterus hence menstruation. The problem was, however, that Pepper had no opening to allow the blood to flow out therefore leading to a clog in his crotch area, which eventually spread throughout his body. 

Since period blood could not escape poor Pepper, Pepper eventually grew bitchier and bitchier until he became the ultimate bitch. Nowadays, if one runs across PepperPeanut, one could note the build up of period blood in Pepper's poor body. The only person who can perfectly sustain PepperPeanut is his longtime boyfriend, MacDreidel, who has the power to summon figures from his Torah to soothe the excruciating pain. Pepper's bitchiness has forced him to enshroud himself from chat by acting as an invisible and refuses to moderate or nurture the dying eBaum's World. It is rumored that Andrew Ryan, the successful revolutionist and man extraordinaire, will replace Pepper once his poor self explodes of years and years of built up period blood. Andrew Ryan is poised to make big changes to eBaum's World and both MacDreidel and PepperPeanut are aware of that ... as for Gyps, she is no longer a moderator due to being caught sleeping with her juggalo boyfriend, steev0. 

Uploaded 07/13/2011
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