I saw the funniest shit this afternoon while at the park with my kid. So, there we were, her playing on the slide, me wishing I could see up the skirt of the single mum near the monkey bars, when this older couple passed by us on the pathway adjacent to the kiddie park.

They were dressed alike, to start with. When I say alike, I don't mean similar looking clothing...I mean EXACTLY the same clothing. Blue windbreaker, white track pants, black runners, and each of them (EACH!!) were wearing this stupid hat they probably bought at a flea market that lit up with little LED lights. (I didn't see what the message was, but I'll bet it was something extremely douche-y.) The coupe de gras was that these two were on a tandem bike! I didn't know anyone owned on of those shit contraptions, let alone actually rode them!

They passed us by and paid us no attention. I guess they were probably used to te stares of utter confusion as they went by. I laughed a bit and figured that they were a couple of idiots doing this to draw some attention to themselves.  Maybe they were senile and were sharring a senio'r moment....who am  to judge their menttal state. The kid and I continued on our merry way of playing, thinking nothing of it as time slipped off.

About twenty minutes late as we were getting ready to go, the same couple came heading down the path! I got a better view of them and, I'm not sure how it is possible, but they looked even dumber than the first time they passed. Except this pass, something was different. The woman (now on the rear seat) was sporting one hell of a torn trackpant knee and her coat was all muchy. Somewhere between passing us and heading off to their wiener convention they had taken a spill. The dude had mud all up his coat back and his leg was covered---COVERED--- in caked muck. The look on their face was priceless. I would have paid good money to see them kiss a curb or whatever caused them to fall.

As they were passing, there were more kids coming and going from the park. A small pack of about five year old kids were playing there and saw this retarded bike approaching. They all stopped and looked, and as the older couple passed on their "team retard" bike on kid, very honestly and sincerely, said hello and that she liked their bike. The old man looked at her as they passed and yelled "Fuck Off!!" to the kid!!! The kid's mother ran over screaming "Fuck you you old fuck!!" but they were gone by then.

The kid who was yelled at looked upset, so they started getting ready to leave. I casually said to the woman "What do you think that was about?". She told me that she's seen them a bunch of times on that stupid bike around her neighbourhood. They live about a block over from them in some house with a purple front door. Apparently they are a team of crazies who love each other so much they feel the need to dress the same everywhere they go. She said they were a bit of a neighbourhood oddity, and that nobody really liked them but put up with them otherwise. She couldn't figure out why he yelled, because the two are normally so sickly sweet that nobody can bring themselves to telling them to go away or stop being a creepy couple. Neighbourhood kids like them, adults tolerate them, and they always seem to be smiling.

Maybe it had something to do with the fall. Who knows. I packed up my daughter and headed home for some lunch and a nap. It boggles my mind why anyone would be like these two, especailly in public. Who is that much of a turd that they feel they need to dress like their mate in order to show their love to others? I'll bet they are the same people who own a dog they can dress in little costumes. Either way, later tonight I'm going to go find the house with the purple front door and fuck me up a two seater bike. Nice people or not, he yelled at a kid.

Some people are fucking weird.

Thanks for reading,

-The Big Bad