A lady asked about my car....

I'm a pretty practical guy when it comes to a vehicle. It needs to run, and run well. That is my only criteria, everything else is more of a creature comfort to me. I've been running a 1994 Volkswagen Jetta for quite some time now. It's really easy to work on, for that was in the time the EPA stuck their noses into everything and the engine compartment is cleaner than a hospital room. This is the cars only great feature. Over the years I have had to...add and subtract some components due to failure or practicality of a replacement part.

Here is a rundown:

It's "solid" black, minus the parts that are white due to sun damage or ex-girlfriends.

The bumper has been rebolted to the frame with huge hex nuts because I decided to go fishing with the car one night. Imagine a profile view of Frankenstein with four huge bolts instead of one.

The muffler has a small hole in it, I assume from rust. It makes this awesome farting noise during acceleration which was embarassing at first, but later came into style. It never fails some high school kid asks me "dude that sounds sick, what kind of muffler is that"...which I reply "StockHole" or something of that nature.

The trim, and logos are all faded, and I'm missing my screw on antenna because I used it to lash someone when I got into a fight, those old school antennas work really well for that application....just a friendly heads up...or heads down...depends on which side of the antenna your on.


The interior, is okay..well for me.

The seats have these weird, 1980's design of stick figures doing various activites. I know right? The guy who picked the fabric for this car must have been pissed off at his boss that day. "Gustav, we will go with the stick figures in action pattern for this model"

It does not score many points with the ladies, but I tell them it could be a view of what's to come after the date. Bike riding, jogging, and doing push ups.

I have a "Kerplunk" Am/Fm radio, and that's all I will say about that.

No fancy esoteric lights, guages or digital lay outs. Just an old school ammemeter, a tachometer, and a broken fuel indication meter. (I have to do rough math to decide when to fuel up based off the cars estimated mpg and miles driven)

Oh and I almost forgot, there is cat hair hidden in the interior. I went overseas and some punk broke my window to steal my radio, which was determined ex post facto that it was not worth the effort to steal, I could have told him that and saved the effort. Shortly after the neighborhood cats learned it was a great place to sleep and fuck. I am still vacuuming.

On the flip side of these minor problems, the damn thing is dependable even with 500K miles, and it drives true...almost like a little slot car at a casino.


So here's the joke:

I pulled into work with my car and this woman approached me.

"Why do you drive that ugly ass thing"? she asked me playfully.

"It's a fine machine" I said.

"I just figured someone in your position would drive a.....well a more....."...she paused.

..silence took over our fun conversation..

"a nicer car"-she said with some hesitation, looking down at the ground.

"It's a fine machine, she runs well and it's dependable" I said proudly.

"But it looks like shit!"she said.

"Well, I guess you have a point"-I said with some loss of my former proud stature.

"I guess when it's paid off, I'll have the money to make it look nice" I replied.

...she looked shocked...

"Yeah, can you believe it?!...only five more payments and this baby is all mine!" I said, as I was walking away.

She stood motionless for about two minutes thinking about this, before she realized I was just messing with her. Anyway, I thought it was funny.



Uploaded 02/18/2010
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Tags: awesome car