It was mid-afternoon, and I'd just got home from school an hour or so before. This was shortly after my parents' divorce, and my mom work full-time. I was a latch-key kid.

The phone ringed. 

I always like to answer the phone, so I did. 

Normally it was regular people, but this time it was some strange perv!

He sounded like a skinny white guy with a mustache. Probably around 30 years old. I bet he smoked pot and was open to just about any sexual situation. 

So he asks a bunch of questions about me and my family. Then he asks if I have a sister. I don't have a sister, but if I did, he wants to talk to her.

He asks all sorts of sexual questions. Several times he requests that I take out my penis and play with it. Even if I weren't on the kitchen phone, I would not have done this. 

At some point, he realizes that I'm not into guys. He isn't getting anywhere with me.

He asks if I'll talk to his girlfriend. Do I have a problem with black women? I tell him no.

After I "hang on for a second", I get his black girlfriend. 

She is loud and flamboyant, lots of ghetto sass. She also wants me to take out my penis and play with it!

But here's the thing - it was the same dude! He just talked like a black woman, like he was Howard Stern or something! He was just talking like a black woman!

It was so long ago, that I don't recall how it ended. But I know I did not came.