1. "I'm gonna hit you right in the mouth -- in the middle of a mall food court."

2. "I'm going to break your left leg with a hockey stick and apply for you to get disability unemployment. Then I'll cash the first check, buy a lacrosse stick, and use that to break your right leg."

3. "I will literally boil you down to a liquid, drink you, and piss you onto a rubber-tree plant."

4. "I'll beat the shit out of an elderly woman right in front of you -- make you watch the whole thing."

5. "I'm going to finance - in your name - a Smart Car, have you get in, then roundhouse kick it into a volcano."


- These are what I came up with while discussing babies with my wife.  Comment with your own unique threats to save for a rainy day!