January 28 2009, I appoligize in advance for the rather shocking title but.....dammit you know what, I don't appologize for shit that my old lady didn't directly accuse me of so let's just get this show on the road.Abortion, there I said it.Nyah nyah....

I was recently speaking to a friend of mine, she just got a new house with her boyfriend and everything is peaches and cream.The American dream....if you will.They both have had a renewed vigor for life as well as an acceptable attitude that makes me moist in the pantaloons(I'm not gay, eat a dick).Anyway, easy street.....right?

Well all is not  as it seems gentle reader.I noticed recently that she has been a step off.She has been agitated by something somewhere beneath the surface that defies masculine attention.Random crying...check.Random mood swings....check.Random rediculous meanderings....par for the course.But something about her demeanor of late pressed me to ask the question no one in there right fucking mind would ask......

"What are you pregnant or some shit?"....Those were my actual words.Expecting an awkward laugh followed by a big "noooooooo"...I was unpleasantly surprised to get a BIG "yessssss".Followed by much sobbing and a firm grip on my fore arm rivald by none other than the noble north american alligators death roll.I was trapped.....chewing off my own arm was not an option.

So I did what any normal non caring male would do...I asked the question."well what are you going to do?"I feined as much sympathy as possible....Her response was like a shotgun blast to the face when one is expecting a gentle peck on the cheek...."I'm gonna have that sonuva bitch sucked out of there"...OH SNAP...that's all I could think of.I mean really....who the hell talks like that(that doesn't reside in my dreams)..?

Well ,before I could collect my thoughts she was gone to the next table taking their order.God bless her...No money from taxes still....Maybe tomorrow!!!