Nevermind my avatar and screen name. Who the hell am I to make a new account, when I could just explain in four seconds that i'm not some dumb chick obsessed with the herb. still love it, but its sure taken a backburner, realizing that's not exactly how I picture myself later in life - half my brain cells destroyed. but eh, you are only young once. preform every action with the idea in mind that is is the best possible action that occur, and everything seems to fall in place.

So, my parents are avid Christians. I'm talkin.. they base every decision in their life around religion and the church. My mother is begging to move to the city where our church is located. Everything from what we watch on tv to . . what brand of food we buy. it's something is natural or organic, they won't go for it. anything new age.. ie, yoga, meditation, buddhism. All the works of Lucifer.

i think that the first ten years of a human beings life is the most critical. Whatever happens in those ten years, when the mind is fresh, and ready to learn and soak in new information, has the greatest affect on a child. With all these 'Baby Einstein' things, we're going to be breeding a super generation of incredibly intellegent people. Capable of turning this world around? Maybe. It's how they use their intellegence.

The first seven years of my life, was not ideal. I'm a fairly sensitive person, when it comes to what people I love say about me. fuck whatever Sally down the street says about what I was wearing the other day.

I was raised to respect my elders. which, came naturally to me. I respected my mother alot. I mean, she' birthed me. and I'm not good with bodily pain like childbirth.. which left me in a constant struggle of dealing with my moms abuse, and not being strong enough to stand up for my self or do anything about it. I couldn't understand why she was treating me differently than everyone else.

Parents are what makes the kids. Have enough time with a child, you can, in essence, 'train' him to be whatever kind of person you'd like. you instill the values by which your child knows to be true. Morals.

I blocked out most of the abuse.. It was mainly all verbal. Which is the most damaging to a sensitive person like myself. She told me one time, to go sit in the middle of the street and wait to get hit by a car. in january. in Minnesota. She had uncontrollable anger. and she coulnt' handle my stubborn and impulsive personality. One scar graces the bridge of my nose from a spiral notebook that was thrown at me in anger.

My parents have told me about some of the abuse my mom caused to me and her husband, as well. It's pretty sad to know that a mother could treat their child like that. I mean, I can't sleep at night knowing that one of my dogs isn't comfortable and warm. That's the reality of life.

I don't blame every negative event in my life all upon that. not by a long shot. But the abuse of a mother can do more harm than you would think. I didn't have the mother that would run and play with me, and make jewelry with. To pamper their little girl. She always had to pick a fight with me. Whether if it was because She wanted the last cookie, or what size clothes I wore. I was so impulsive and stubborn about my opinion. just like ever other six year old I have ever know.

My mom finally got prescribed The Revolutionary HAPPY PILL (prozac) that was sweeping the nation, in 1996. Ever since then.. that intense anger is gone. to me, it was like I had a new mom. this one had taken old mom's place. this one was nice, and always gave me the last cookie, or let me take the blue gumball over the nasty white one.

I get along fairly well with my mother now. She recently took me out to an outdoorsman store the other day to get jackets and winter clothing.. Anyways. A man, around the age of fifty, came up to us and starting Totally selling us on this fleece jacket. He then noticed my bracelets (kandi, for any ravers out there?plur:)). he asked me if i raved, and we got into a conversation about that. My mom is staning there, taking in all this partying information at once (parents are antiparty,drug,alcohol..ie FUN?) he then proceeded to tell my mom that I should be abllowed to go to more of them, and what? what? my mom said it was a Great idea. Woaah. Talk about bipolar?

As I have been writing this, I can't all but thank my mom. Even if she wasn't trying to, and even if it wasn't the best way of going about doing it, she made me have a deep respect for everything and everyone around me. Whatever comes to me in life, I will be content with it. anything good that happens is considered a blessing to me, and very much appreciated. I have an enormous heart that just longs to share itself with that perfect man. everything about us would just click with each other. he would be my cheese to my macaroni. my peanut butter to my jelly. connected on every level of being.

( someone who understands my intriguing and exotic self :) )

in life, there will always be two opposite creatures, continulally interacting with each other, and convincing each other all day that he is the same as her. blue for boys is opposite of pink for girls for a reason. it helps a whole ton to live a few days in the life of the opposite. expereince everything, opposite in every asepct of thinking. impossible? no. that's the perfect girl, right there.

I can no longer stay up any later, back to the daily grind of being a sandwich artist and the occasional game of Go fish, and the spontanious karoke breakouts to Britney Spears like it's 1995. WOOOOO. (imo, 90s pop is the rock bottom of music. next to country.) But still the best mix of plur , cannabis , & sexuality.

take a minute to post a little comment about any of that writing up there ^. She's crazy, sleep deprived, and typing away at whatever comes to her mind, thinking that people will find her entertaining. pfffahaha.

-g'day awll. and take an evening this winter, to go sledding down the side of a freeway overpass, heavily intoxicated. drinker or not. with all your best friends in tow. it will make for a hellll of a night^^

[[i didn't correct any spelling errors. so fuck off if all you're going to do is pick at my grammer, and tell me what a worthless human being i am for not dotting every i and crossing every t. my fingers gotta keep up with my mind, mistakes happen!]] /silly/bitches/!/

bonus track!so. i was out driving yesterday. i am a delivery driver/sandwich atrist. i was waiting at the intersection of county rd 42 & cedar ave. verrry long left turn light. in front of my was a purple car. looked to be a custom color. no emblems whatsoever, but it resembled a early 2000 ford taurus for those of you that care. i then pulled up a tad closer, and was able to read a cusom emblem placed where there should be a big F O R D. but no. BARNEY graced that car. That car, was in essence, the barney mobile. now, the part where this story turns from being cute to kind of perverted & sicck. As everyone knows, you gotta be 16 to have a license. before you got your license, you've got no business being in that busy intersection during rush hour. hellz no. an grown man, is roaming the streets of minnesota, driving around in a ford barney. yuck.