Alpha Dogs

I've got one of those neighbors of an annoying and useless breed I'm sure many of you have encountered once or twice. The so-called "Alpha" female, or self-imposed leader of the pack.

Urban dictionary describes Alpha Females as those who: "speak their mind, date a lot of guys, and dress sexy cuz it helps". Of course, in general and urban circles it's not uncommon for groups to resort to more primitive behavior socially, so it's not too difficult to deduce the entire survival and intelligence issue of the term became lost in translation, never further removed from Social Darwinism.


Of course, meet one of these people and you'll see firsthand how susceptible to "natural selection" the commonly accepted "Alpha" female is (or would be without the welfare system), if you want to get scientific. These bitches are exactly that - bitches. They're loud, annoying, manly looking, imposing, dumb, and unyielding, which doesn't make for all things necessary for survival, such as teamwork, effective leadership, tactic, and intelligence.

It's sickening having to come home from work and see this one "Alpha" barker outside having a smoke. I've never spoken to her once since I moved in, and although I've thought of opening a convo once or twice, it's not just the year-round Xmas tree in her window that turns me off.

First of all the bitch is so fat her ass takes up the entire width of her stairway. And her girth is stuffed into these tight, powder blue jeans like some kind of unpalatable sausage. One of those types who shouts her poorly-structured phrases at ear-shattering decibels, not just cuz it's nobody's business, but because she wants the world to know it's nobody's business.

Either that, or it's a thinly-veiled invitation to a confrontation. To be sure, she's got her thinning, gross hair pulled up into one of those Hispanic do's that look like her locks are plastered to her skull. No makeup, of course. And that's how the "Alpha" barker operates in any venue. Always loud, stupid, annoying, forcefully intimidating, fat beyond belief, and often imitative of the observed social ignorance and offensive practices of others of low intelligence and skill.

I see her walking to her nearby apartment with what is (naturally) one unfortunate offspring by an unknown father. And I feel honest and sincere pity for this child. Cuz I mentioned natural selection before, and trust me - this woman wouldn't last 4 days in the bush. Tbh, I'm surprised women like this survive in our society at large at all... well, actually, they don't. Which is why, even in our day and age, an Alpha barker (of either sex) usually ends up dead, beaten, or imprisoned. That's not very domineering of the pack.


To really get what "Alpha" means, you actually do need some brains. It's a phrase turned over in scientific and learning communities, but the term "Alpha" has all but been bastardized by wannabes among humans.

In ethology, Alpha males are dominant in rank among the food and mating chain, as it pertains to social species hierarchy. Beta, gamma, and delta members fill in where the alpha leaves off, with omega at the tail end (we're not talking Metroids, here). It's survival of the species through gumption and effort that defines an Alpha, and can never be achieved through physical prowess alone. Franz deWaal, author of Chimpanzee Politics: Power and Sex Among Apes, reiterates the rank of Alpha as determined by "prowess, social effort, and building alliance".  And that's among lower life forms.

Basically speaking, Alpha to us is not derived from chest-beating, but those facets of survival involving finesse: intelligence, stealth, problem-solving, emotion, instinct, alliance, common sense, wisdom, articulation, and charisma. Humans, of course, retain one aspect of living other forms of life lack:  the ability to conceptualize, and alter their very environment. Ergo, comparing the natural rules of hierarchy in apes, canines, or birds to humans would be fallacious. "Chest-beating" in human terms offers no real incentive in our social circles and only serves to mislead weak followers - and most likely, makes you more susceptible to danger and death, both in live situations among peers, and in the wild.

A bodybuilder with no other skill or usefulness can break Bill Gates' jaw, no problem. Yet when Bill Gates survives to alter the lifestyle of our species as a whole, reap the benefits of a civilized currency system, and remain pivotal as an entity responsible for altering the course of humanity through shrewd calculation and brainpower, Bill Gates is the Alpha male, hands-down.


It's amazing how often the term is misunderstood by who I would categorize more as perhaps a beta, or worse, individual. They're easy to spot on one facet alone:

They believe themselves to be Alphas.

Right off the bat, believing you're a dominant force pretty much instantly negates you. There's a guy on chat who actually believes he's an Alpha male because he has more muscle mass and "knows" which females are worthy for reproducing with, all based on - you got it - who he finds hot.


But don't try to tell him he's more likely around the delta area. A lot of self-proclaimed "Alphas" won't hear it. It's probably for the better, as those individuals unaware of real danger and bigger concepts fall more easily into destruction. Like when they say, "some people are so dumb they don't know how dumb they are"? They never see it coming. And that's the circle of life, my dear Simba.

A great article on contrast:
Uploaded 01/03/2012
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