Once upon a time in a court of the middle ages, there was a great king who was giving a great banquet. All of his most loyal lords were there, and all of the lord's most loyal knights, and all of the knight's most loyal squires.

But of all who were present, the King was the grandest of them all. His clothes were the most stylish in the land, his throne was the most bejeweled, his crown had the most gold in it, and his wife, the Queen, was the loveliest woman of all.

But there was another King present (who had a bit too much mead to drink) and he loosed his jealous tongue against the Grand King.

“Sure...you have the best knights, and the biggest throne, and you even have the best looking women in this kingdom...but there's not ONE of you who has the manliness to satisfy those women!”

The court went silent. The Grand King stood up and said: “In all of my kingdom, is there no man who can prove how powerful and pleasing his manliness is?”

A young squire stepped forward and said: “Your majesty...I know I am just a humble squire, and I have only just started my training, but I shall take up this challenge if you'll allow me to defend the Kingdom's honor!”

The young boy untied his breeches, and using a rope, tied a ten-pound weight to his manliness and concentrated with all of his might.

And lo! The weight did rise!

And the men cheered and the women swooned and the children waved multi-colored flags and the band played appropriate music.

But one of the Kings knights stepped up and said: “Your majesty...this squire means well, but he's just a lad. I shall take up this challenge if you'll allow me to defend the Kingdom's honor!”

With that the knight took the codpiece off his armor and released a stout branch of manliness for all to behold. To this, he tied a twenty-pound weight, and concentrated with all of his might.

And lo! The weight did rise!

And the men cheered and the women swooned and the children waved multi-colored flags and the band played appropriate music.

Just then, one of the King's lords said: “You do your office justice, good sir, and demonstrate that we can definitely please our women in this land, but if you'll step aside I'll show you what a man of noble blood can do!”

So the lord took down his trousers, and in doing so unfurled a manliness of grand proportions. He affixed to this a weight of no less than fifty pounds! The crowd grew concerned that the lord might give himself a noble hernia.

But lo! The weight did rise!

And the men cheered and the women swooned and the children waved multi-colored flags and the band played appropriate music.

Finally, the Grand King himself stepped forward and declared: “My loyal subjects! Your king is greatly pleased that we have shown this visitor that our women are gladdened by our prowess. But, as your King, I must demonstrate to you that I am the best in all ways.”

Then and there, the Grand King bared himself for all to see. To his Grand Manliness he tied not a ten, not a twenty, not a fifty, but a ONE HUNDRED POUND weight! His brow furrowed. His jaw tensed. His manliness strained...

And lo! The weight did rise!

And the men cheered and the women swooned and the children waved multi-colored flags and the band played GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!