As Ive already said, I work with the disabled.  Im finding in entertaining to write about my job, because I tend to do damn near everything.   Im shocked every day.  I hear some of the funniest stuff.

A couple nice little quotes. And short stories.

The first time an individual got into my truck, he sat in the middle, on top of the seatbelt.   The first words I've ever heard him say were, "There's somethin' in my asshole."   Hell of an introduction.

I get minor road rage.  I felt the need to cuss out a car that cut me off.  I ride bikes(motocycles), so I dont take it well when someone pulls this shit. Whether I'm in a car or not.  So I let loose a nice little string of words.   I forgot that I had a individuals in my truck.  So they learned a few words and coined some new phrases.  A couple days later, Im reading their progress notes, and apparently they said my phrase to another staff member.  Its always great knowing that you are teaching someone new things.

My nickname at work is "Bitch."  A guy would get mad and call everyone this, so I decided to take the sting from the word.  Now he looks at me and blushes.  He refuses to say my nickname.  Although everyone else, clients and staff, caught on very quickly.

My feet have been run over by electric wheelchairs more times that I can count.  Not all of those incidents were accidental.

We have a guy who weighs over 300 lbs.  Its caused by an abnormality in his glands.  And its not all fat. Hes a pretty solid guy.  I was walking down the hall, just outside his apartment, when a can hit right in front of my face.  I felt like an outdated and unfunny Matrix analogy.  I walked in to see what was wrong, and if he was ok.  He started throwing things and swinging.  Normally, I'll just dodge and try to talk, but this guy has some power.  So I got the hell out of there.  Quick, fast, and in a hurry.  He later calmed down and was just mad cuz he was hungry and his can opener was broken.  We borrowed a neighbor's can opener and no one was harmed.

I had to break into houses and kick in doors.  One occasion, I got a call from Guy's mother.  She was frantic.  He had gone in his room and closed the door.  The problem was that he had a tendancy to slam them.  And today, the door jammed shut.  So she's telling me she needs me to get the door open, and at the time, I couldnt pick a lock for shit.  So I told her that its not that hard to kick in a door, if she wants me to.  Her reply was for me to do whatever I had to do.  YES!!!  I swear, kicking in doors never gets old.  So I yell to the door, tell Guy to get back.  And kicked it open.  He had a look on his face like he had gotten caught doing something he wasnt supposed to. 

After running into more than one situation like that, I learned to pick locks and get doors open.  I even went out of my way to buy a kit.  Although im still afraid to try my truck door.  But thats a different story.  So I got a call one night from the staff on duty at an apartment complex.  They lost, yes LOST, a resident.  He is in an electric wheelchair.  Dont ask me how, but I immediately knew that he was in the community center of the apartments.  Sleeping on the couch.  I tapped on the window, and he waved and laughed.  I finally got to demonstrate my new and awesome door opening abilities.  Had that door open in under a minute.  I felt special.  He thought it was hilarious.

Ive also had a few really close calls.  Earned this bitch a reputation at work.

I had the apartment staff call me in one day.  I was not working with the apartments at that time, I was with other individuals.  I would also like to let everyone know that at no point have I ever been on call.  They just know that I am more than happy to come in.  Anyways, they tell me they cant get into a guys room cuz hes laying in front of the door.  and hes throwing up.  So I get there, and I see everyone standing around.  I tell them to call the house manager, and our supervisors, all of our supervisors AFTER they call 911.  They couldnt even do that.  I check him, and lay him down in a recovery position.  Talk to him, and keep him calm until the ambulance arrives.  I call my supervisors to find out that apparently they failed to get ahold of any of them.  I went with him to the hospital, and long story short, he is now fine.

Another one.  Not sure how to introduce this one.  We had a guy riding his bike in front of his apartment.  I went outside with him to watch and talk to him.  Some asshole comes speeding out of the parking lot and is going right for him.  Apparently they didnt see him.  I tried to yell to the car coming, but no words could come out.  So I grabbed the guy.  Jerked his ass out of the way, no joke, just as the car hit his tire, then yelled the only thing I could get out. "HEY!"   They stopped, with us on the ground and asked, "Did I hit him?" I replied, "No."  Then they sped off.  Jackass.  I wasnt exactly thinking clearly at the time.  I wasnt sure if they hit him or not.  I just said the first thing that came to mind.  My mistake.  So as they drove off, I figured it would be a good idea to memorize the license plate number.  Which I did.  So far, there are no injuries, other than scrapes and bruises from the incident.  And, according to him, I am a "bitch" a "Bad man" and a "mother fucker" for asking if he wanted to ride his bike a few weeks after this happened. 

Well thats it for now.