Another open letter to my wife

I know it's the stress from my life, the dog running away (we found her by the way), and the waiting game of finding out whether my liver problem is hepatitis, cancer, or something innocuous that's setting me off, but you need to read this.


It's amazing to me how you can have a mission statement of never putting somebody else's needs before your own, but you don't hesitate to ask people to do for you.  I can get ready for work, get two kids up, feed them, make sure they're dressed with their teeth brushed, let you sponge my adderall, and you can't pack Shane's lunch in the half hour or more that you're here. 


I was going to do it tomorrow until you called.  But the fact that you don't feel the need to do anything for other people, but need them to do things for you set me off. 


You can lose your mind driving to Italian fest and use the car to threaten to run down pedestrians for crossing against the light, foaming at the mouth in front of the kids and nobody calls you on it because the pharmacy messed up your meds and gave you a half dose.


I can have my eBook that I absolutely have to have for work moved by the maids or your mom, lose my mind, and loudly disorganize the house and it's fucking divorce time.  It doesn't matter if I went to counselling for anger management.


You can tell me you think the marriage is over.  Then beg me to forget you said anything about it.  Then send me texts about our hot sex.  Then dump me for good a few days later, after I rescue you from Chateau.


You can promise to help me recover from surgery.  Then you do absolutely nothing but cook one meal and pull out my pain pumps, having my 12 year old daughter be my primary care giver.  That, as much as anything, is probably responsible for the damage between you two.


At the end of the year, we'd have $1,300/month in discretionary income after the car is paid off and the debt consolidation done.  We could've lived here for another ten years, until Shane goes to college and had hundreds of thousands of dollars in equity in our home after the market recovered.  We could've sold the home, paid cash for a smaller place for the two of us, paid for the kid's college and went on two cruises a year.


Instead, we're going to foreclose on a house that we owe $250,000 on that's sold in the past for $400,000.  Neither of us has the down payment for another home, so we can rent in a market where homes are selling for a quarter of their previous value.  Our credit will be ruined for ten years.  Car loans, credit cards, even utilities all screwed up with increased rates and deposits.


Our kids can be totally screwed up.  We can be up in the air about where they go to school next year.  I have to teach in Boulder City because it's my only chance not to lose my job to somebody who's laid off at another school with more seniority than I due to it being so remote.  My new residence will be a lot closer to my job.  I can take the kids all summer while you're at work.  That's the only way I can see that working.  You haven't even thought about that or it suits you fine to have them on the weekends only.


All this financial catastrophe on us and stress on our kids because so you can have your midlife crisis.  Don't give me any crap about how me losing my temper caused your feelings to die.  If people got divorced for things like that, nobody would be married.  This is all about you.  If it wasn't, my effort over the last three months would've meant something.  If it wasn't you'd have showed up to more than a few counselling sessions.


You have done nothing for me.  Not for a long time.  Before you ever ask me for a favor again, you better bring something to my attention that I've overlooked or do something for me first.  I will do right by my children.  But I'm done kissing your ass or doing unreciprocated favors for you.


The fact that you don't have the gear to discuss these things has caused me to lose a lot of respect for you.  You can just clam up, continue with your agenda, and be damned with the consequences to other people.  You don't HAVE to tell me anything, respond to my questions, lift a finger for anybody else, or make an effort to keep your family intact.  I don't have to do things for you either.


From now on, I'll do for you exactly as much as you do for me.  Right now your account balance for favors is zero.

Uploaded 04/12/2011
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