Allllllllllllrightttt, i know it's been a while party people, but my job suddenly became demanding and I had to pretend to be a valued employee, but the work is done, and I'm back in action doing the bare minimum to scrape by without getting fired.
SO I was catching myself up on all the missed content over the past few weeks, and I noticed a rather startling trend starting to develop in the blogs. Emo's. The roaches of the human species. I think I'm going to coin a new phrase, Emo's, will now be Elmo's. Like the tickle me doll, because its ironic that they never laugh, and I'm a fuckin witty son of a bitch. Ok so these elmo's have been bleeding tears all over my favorite website and it needs to stop, asap.
There's a few things I don't understand about you tickle me elmo's, what the fuck are you so goddamn sad about? 90% of you grew up (are still growing up because most of you haven't even reached pube age yet) where, middle class, white, suburban neighborhoods? You're just always so fuckin depressed, and wearing black, and all that shit, you're like goth, but unlike goth, some of you emo girls are actually above a 3 on the standard 1-10 hotness scale, but ruin it because you're about as entertaining as a rectal exam. (For you gays, "about as entertaining as sex with a woman!" I always deliver, no sexism in this blog mofo. Women aren't people. Ok besides that, no sexism.)
Ladies, ladies, ladies, PLEASE, do yourselves, and mankind, a favor. Put on a fuckin bikini and drink some liquor. You'd be amazed how much a couple of shots and some sunshine can alter your perception on shit. It's like heroine but without the shame of doing terrible things to get your fix....not that i know.....ok i do know, but thats besides the point.
Sorry got a little sidetracked, back to the matter at hand. Don't do your crying sissy bullshit on a website where the entire goal is to waste hours laughing at other people's mindless garbage. It's not that I don't laugh when I read poetry that starts "today is the first day that i began to die", I just don't laugh in the same way. It's not the HAHA that was awesome laugh, it's the haha man that's so fuckin pathetic laugh, which is still good, but not quite as good as the first. Go to www.poetry.com. they'll give you a private account where you can post all day long about how your daddy wouldn't play catch with you and your mommy doesn't understand you, and how your girlfriend left you for a guy on the football team (cause you totally know that happens to these kids ALL the time), or how you get mad about life somtimes and you just wanna cut yourself but you're a gaping vagina so you just talk about you wanna do it and never ACTUALLY do it. I pose a bet to any "suicidal" emo's out there, if any one of you actually pulls the trigger, I will pay for your casket, out of my own pocket money, but if you don't do it within a month, i get to take a shit on your face and post it on ebaums. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a "win - win" situation.
Until death time........