Being a mother isn't that important...

I was unaware of how my mother felt of me until recently. See, my mother was 18 when she gave birth to me. That is a fairly young age to have children, especially when you are not married. She married my father and soon had another child, my brother, five years after I was born. She was 23. Soon after my mother and father got a divorce. My mother than went on this type of binge, a boy/man binge. All she wanted to do was find a guy to spend all of her time with. First, it was a man that had three children. She completely disregarded her two children for the man's three children. It was sad, we had no mother. After a while though, he cheated. Than another man, more cheating, another man, more cheating, another man, more cheating, etc, etc, etc.. Than, there was
"the one." I introduced my mother to my friend's uncle. This is where it all began. She started to drink and do drugs. There was several times she had me drink, which I didn't mind too much, and tried to get me to drugs, which I did not do! After I stopped being her excuse things started to change. She started to steal...from my grandmother, her mother! It was horrible because she wasn't only stealing money from her own mother she was taking money from my brother and I!  After she started to steal money, she than began to steal material items that could be pawned for money. Anything, even if it wasn't hers. Time went on and she basically disappeared. Here recently I went outside with my mother. I am past being upset, irritated, or angry. I just wanted to talk to her about something that was bothering me. I tried to explain...

"Mom, Nanny was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is okay for now but she is getting worse slowly. I need to be able to count on you to be here when I cannot. I have a lot of responsibilities and I take care of two families. Can I count on you?"

"Look, I need some time because when I got pregnant with you I didn't have the time that I needed to be a child. You are the reason I am the way I am today."

At this time I have to admit that I was pretty upset on many different levels.

"I have school, nieces and a nephew, and my little brother to take care of. I also have two houses to maintain. My husband and I need some help. There is no way possible we can be in two places at once. Please grow up and be an adult. Nanny needs you and you treating her the way that you do and using her isn't helping her situation out any!"

"Leave me alone! I don't need this from anyone. I'm leaving."

Just like that she leaves. It was nice for her to tell me that it was my fault. My fault she is doing drugs, drinking, and stealing. I was the reason she didn't get to have a childhood and that is why she is going buck wild and acting like a teenager.

Just wanted to get it off of my chest.
Uploaded 04/08/2011
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