A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband:
Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
Of course! How many people are coming? Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
Wait, it is not on yet.
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"Tarzan check for bees!"
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.