Im working away at my computer. Comin up with that off-the-wall hardcore stupidity that yawl love. Keepin it real. Thats when my girl interrupts me. My loving bim. But she should know better! She knows the rules. Never interrupt me when Im throwin down unless its for food or sex. So as she starts her hollering, my blood starts to boil. Cuz I know damn well she wasnt wearing an apron or dressed up in that nurse outfit I got her.
Ooh this better be good. If shes about to nag me again to take out the trash Ima go ballistic! What do you want WOMAN?!
She said "The Amazing Video Shows are coming on!
I admit it. I love those Amazing Video Shows. You know, the ones with the announcer who is like, way to serious. What you are about to see is a DEADLY car chase. Not just any ordinary pursuit of a criminal, but a DEADLY, possibly LETHAL, not to mention FATAL chase. The driver of the vehicle is a CRAZED WHITE MAN from Alabama. He just saw his wife giving a wet, sloppy French kiss to the Flavor Injector of a black man. He is in a jealous RAGE. But now hes turned it into ROAD rage! He wont stop for anyone!
It is my contention that the producers of these shows are getting desperate. I think theyre starting to stage some of these things. Like the show I saw the other night. Nub is driving his ve-HICK-el like 100 miles per hour away from the Coppers. Okay fine. But then all of a sudden, theres this ramp. And the guy drives up and flies over it! Please, didnt I see this in an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard? Then, theyre still in pursuit and up ahead is a family of cute yellow duckies crossing the road. The announcer booms, Look out for our fine feathered friends! Theyre about to become Duck Soup. Of course both vehicles narrowly miss the ducks. But they show how close the ducks were to roadkill like 300 times in slow motion. Announcer thinks hes funny, If hed had hit those innocent ducklings, not only would the Police be after him, but also the ASPCA! HA! Thats like not hilarious. And of course Im always hoping for a tragedy. Im like, HIT THE DUCKS! HIT THE FUCKING DUCKS! Welcome to Darwinism, BITCHES!
But to my dismay, no ducks were harmed. But the final clue that this chase was clearly staged, was when the bad guy plows into this giant fruit stand and watermelons crash everywhere.
And if theyre not setting up the scene, theyre encouraging it. I understand their predicament. Viewers love to watch this stuff, but there is only so much real video to show. So now, it is my sincerest belief, that they are instigating Amazing events that they can broadcast on TV.
They go to College campuses and meet drunken males. Cmon guys. Dont you think itd be totally funny if a bunch of you danced on the roof naked? The inebriated buffoons buy the idea. And before you know it, a rescue team is there with a ladder and ambulance because someone pushed Tommy over the ledge and hes hanging on for dear life. Ill tell you who someone is! Johnny Depp! Thats right, a stand-in. An assistant producer posing as a trizzed student. He pushes him and the tape rolls. Instant Ratings.
Heres another scenario, that when I saw it, I KNEW it was initiated by the shows producers because theres no way it could have possibly happened on its own. A bunch of big-bosomed blonde and brunette bims in bikinis with bodacious butts are in a lake. Suddenly theyre screaming! Whoops. Someone forgot to tell them they were piranhas in the lake! Yeah, someone. Someone who took down the warning sign! Plus lured them there knowing they were all menstruating! Its a sick world we live in. I just watch it on TV.