Blind Dates From Hell!

Blind Dates:


My dad told me about the worst, blind date he ever went on. The girl was so ugly that she made him sick to his stomach. However, he went to a baseball game with her. They were sitting on the bleachers and my dad tried to keep some distance between them. She tried to sit next to my dad and he would slide over a little until he was at the end of the bleachers. Then he was screwed, he could not move over any more. It was terrible for him.

I know, that is not very interesting, but I am just getting started.

One of my uncles got set up on a blind date and this girl was so ugly and fat, that he was starting to get sick and regret that he agreed to the date. Any way, they were driving around for a while and the girl started talking about one of her relatives that lived in the area. This gave my uncle an idea,

He said, Lets go over and see this guy. He sounds pretty cool and I want to meet him.

They drove over to this guys house and my uncle told her to go knock on his door and see if he is home. So she did and my uncle noticed that someone came and answered the door. The girl motioned for my uncle to come up to the house. And as soon as he noticed that someone was there, my uncle just put the gas pedal to the floor and took off!

Now I was about ten years old when they told me these stories. I just laughed and thought nothing of them. I didnt think it would ever happen to me.

When I got to college, I was only there a month and someone set me up with a blind date. I agreed and thought my friend would be nice enough to set me up with a cute girl. However, she came to my dorm room and knocked on the door. I opened the door and saw this huge 55 ton Elephant standing outside my door!!!

I just thought, Oh god, please tell me you are someone else! Dont be Sarah!

Now I am scared half to death! I said, Hi, can I help you?

She said, Yes, I am Sarah. I am looking for David.

I was trying very hard to hold back the vomit. I thought about saying, There is no David here. Are you sure you have the right room? However, my name was on my door.

Now I am thinking, What can I do? Then I started to panic.

I thought, I am going to just say, Give me a minute, I am going to go puke! Then slam the door in her face.

Then I thought, Better yet, I am going to jump out the window! Maybe not, it is only a second story window, so I probably wont die when I hit the ground and this fatty will run down and start giving me CPR or something! There is no way in hell I am going to kiss her!

I decided to be nice instead. So I let her in my room. She barely fit through the door! I had to pull her through the door in fact.

Anyway, she said she wanted to go see a movie. So we went to some boring, dumb movie. The whole time at the movie theater, I was looking around to make sure that no one that I knew was in there. Luckily, there wasnt any I knew there.

I thought, I am glad it is dark in here and no one could see us together anyway.

To make matters worse, she wanted to sit in Make out Row The very back row of the theater. But I thought it may be better anyway, because it is darker in the back row anyway. That is how it got the name: Make out Row.

Usually it is the girl who thinks, I hope this guy does not try anything with me. Right? Well, now the shoe was on the other foot. I was hoping she didnt try anything with me!

I tried to keep an empty seat in between us at first, but she thought I was just a little shy and she moved over and closed up the empty space. So I was screwed!

During the movie, she asked me if I had any rubbers! I am like, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I dont believe in sex before marriage. Lying my way out of that one! The thought of sex with her was more horrifying than any Stephen King movie I had ever seen. In fact, she looked like a creature from one of them horror movies!

As I suffered through the movie, I just thought, All I have to do is say I am going to go get some pop corn and just never come back! It is that simple. But I was too nice at the time to do something like that. So I sat through the movie and just tried to think of ways to get even with my friend for hooking me up with a girl like her.

I was also thinking, Well, at least it is not a porno or a really romantic movie that would get her in the mood to try and put the moves on me.

When we left the movie and went our separate ways, she said she wanted me to call her again. I just said, Yeah, ok, I will. Then I threw her number in the trash!

I still havent gotten even with that guy yet.

I guess the moral is: Be careful what dating horror stories you laugh at. It could always happen to you!



Uploaded 12/08/2008
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