Hello fellow eBaumers,

Before I continue this great blog let me clarify my statement, "Books are for losers". Books do have some value, when you need to look something up and do not have an internet connection. Some leather bound books can spruce up a room or a series of them can make the owner feel well read and others will envy them. I often use the ones I get for gifts as door stops and I have some encyclopedias holding up a corner of my bed after an incident involving Jeb.

Books also help develop muscle strength for students who must carry them back and forth from school. Or, if you put them on your head and walk, you can develop proper posture. I didn't need to do that because I was born a lady.  I once saw a movie were a soldier used an army manual to wipe his butt while stranded on an island, so that was a good use of a book.

If you write your own memoirs in a diary, it may one day be a book. Someone might give a crap about your miserable life, if you were a wordsmith like me. None here are. Fashion magazines are the only books cool people read. From Dansk to Arise you can stay on top of what looks great any time of the year. The only times I read a book is when I'm putting my little Pebbles to bed or when I want to go to sleep, I just open one up and stare at the pages until I nod off. 

Other than the above, books are for losers. To make them you must cut down trees. This in turn reduces habitat for animals and poisons the earth. They take up a lot of room and require frequent dustings. Cities build big ugly buildings called libraries to house them and once in a while a loser will borrow one. Then there's all the cost associated with libraries, capital investment, librarians, maintenance, heating and cooling. What for? So some dork can borrow an Archie comic book? Have you ever heard about the Dewey Decimal System? It's some nerdy way of cataloging stupid books. I heard they still teach that shit in some schools. Why? So the dorks can  think they control the information? Wake up, all the info is on the internet, all organized and birds can still build their nests and squirrels can gather their nuts.

If you like all the cool stories from Tolkien, you can hang out with your friends and see the video of it, they call it a movie, for all the losers stuck in your basement and it's cheaper than the book version. You know what would be hilarious? Gather up all the bibles, qurans and whatever Buddist study from, along with all the Jehovah witness pamphlets and have a great big book burning party.