If you don't tell lies, at least you don't have to remember what you have said.

Do me a favor, and don't do me anymore favors

Pity the worms!

Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!

!It's not you, it's me. I don't like you. Shaloha

Early bird gets the worm. But what about the early worm?

Sorry that meeting sucked so bad

take this pen and remember to turn on your windshield wipers

Revoking your creative license

Smells like a wet dog.

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

We have assumed control, we have assumed control, we have assumed control

Don't tempt me to unleash the one-legged space chickens!

If the cubicle's a-rockin', don't bother knockin'

Cheaper to fly to Old Zealand than New Zealand

i've arranged a list of exciting things we can do for the next thirty years

My brain is not large enough to destroy the entire world when unfolded.

Seeking a contextually relevant trap page

My dog has no noseVacation?

I'm leaning towards Pisa

Allow myself to introduce...myself

Dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange

MAKE MONEY FAST

Sender wishes to recall message

Please put your hands together for the lovely Shasta!

We've got a chicken with your name on it.

never finish a burrito

Unique and secret method in the history of preparing a treat for those who love spicy dishes.

Waterbeds for Quadrupeds

Astonishing feats of MENTALISM!

Is my webcam on?

Great mind thinks alike.

You're that crazy shark, aren't you?

I'm just a dolphin, maam.

I served in the military under General Apathy

Who is Marcello?

Got change for a $6 bill?

I Brake for Unicorns

circulate darling, circulate!

My hobby is collecting dust

Das Boot spoof set in subshop

For self-starters only

it's new improved crazy christmas

Have you tried the HotPockets? They're breathtaking!

Wanna try the Good Cop/Bad Cop routine?

Menos samba y mas trabajar

Age-defying quinines

Hark! A Lark! Flying through the Park!

Scratch golfer finds ball in poison oak

Everything today is about the entire enterprise! Front and back lines - inside and out.

There's a great juggler on the radio tonight!

I believe those were mouse droppings

holy schadenfreude batgirl

Mind over don't matter.

ASAP's Fables

I don't know quite how to say this

Your earrings would make a great fishing lure!

Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.

RE: four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie

Afternoon matinee at the drive-in theater?

The sushi boats are in the harbor for the night

Are these edible?

GOOD MEETING!

the dangerous combination of beard and bread

Muscle Shoals has got the swampers

Dang it! Evil triumphs again!

Joey Jo Jo Junior Shabadu

BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!

Go hang a salami! I'm a lasagna hog!

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

puking rainbows

I'd like 600 mirrors please

the royal afflecks

When Lawyers Attack

Is it safe?

Help watering the plastic flowers

Couples welcome

Cannibals are what they eat

Tonight on a very special "Blossom"...we have located your pants

Rack of Spam recipe

Do watch dogs know they're working?

Get your tongue out of my mouth, cuz I'm kissing you goodbye!

My motivational speaking tour

Jeremy! What have I told you about the correct way to butter crumpets?

Asking for your daughter's paw in marriage

Geometry and Theology

quote from DOG SOLDIERS, the best werewolf movie ever

glossed over funeral arrangements

Save the whales! Collect the whole set!

have you ever played wounded soldier?

Do Not Read

Large spreadsheet problem

Some Powdered Muffin with your Starfish, Dr Arbuckle?

There are eels in my hovercraft

Sensitive boyfriend sweater

Free James Brown (not valid with any other offer)

I am disrespectful to dirt!

Ma has a ham!

this brain has been polished professor

Long live the People's Mesh!

Shall we play a game?

About last night...Sorry I missed you. Stand still next time.

Nutrageous!Facts: 1) Ninjas are mammals. 2) Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3) The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Workin' like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch...Pass the timbits!

Time-off for good behavior

I am not edible.

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;superfluous super flues

Re: Are you alone?Fwd: Re: FW[2]: RE: re: [FWD] joke\You are brave young dragon. But mine is the stronger gung-fu.I am not a chew toy

Hold me closer, Tony Danza

Impressive rutabaga!Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte!?

Stop baby sea turtles from being crushed!

Why does Chinese food always taste better in front of a computer?

Cooking pork chops in the toasterhooded hoods trying to hoodwink car hoods

What we have here is a failure to communicate

A hip-hop MC performs with improvised rhyme and the spoken word, typically over a thumping beat.

Catch-23

Clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon

What's new, Pikachu?

Welcome to SPACEXS

shortcut for next week's marathon

The black crow flies over the sleeping dog at midnight

CONCERN BROWN BAG TIX STILL AVAILABLE!

Easy Money: Snail Herd at Home!

What's the corkage fee at McDonald's?

Tired of having sand kicked in your face?

Hydrate or DIE!!!

the development of a nuclear powered egg

National Bring Your Hamster To Work Day

I love animals cause they're made of meat.

I know kung fu!

These aren't the droids we're looking for

Pandora didn't think outside the box

memory is the greatest trick we play on ourselves, after reality

Free Shakespeare (limit two Shakespeare per customer)

The CARDBOARD PROTOTYPE

LipSmack heartAttack girlie girl in a pink sleep sack

O Mighty Isis!

I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.

There was a young man from Verdun,

You mush read this!

I think we need to talk

Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be.

I changed her oil, she changed my life

I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings

Alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes

I'm a stereotype. I'm not wrong. I'm cuddly.dodging serendipities

You can't teach an old dog to live in glass houses

My favorite color is Vanna White

Shake it, don't break it, took your mama 9 months to make it.

Be Your Own Boss!!8098

my train of thought has derailed

Re: mummification?

Thank God and Greyhound she's gone

Pressing business at the dry cleaners

I am the kid next door's imaginary friend

Damn these scruples!

you're not as objectionable as you seem to be, are you?

Save some funk for Sunday

Who drank my Crystal Pepsi?

I've decided to start smoking

I hate eating breakfast on an empty stomach

Do you suffer from uncontrollable falling down?

Oh no! Not another learning experience!

The puppet show has been cancelled.

Ciao.I eat tofu and I vote.

Happy New Now!

Space heaters make great house-warming gifts

important: do not eat the fish

We sell solutions, not software

If I hop in the shower, am I turning into a rabbit?

This is the first email of your new life

Wake me up when it's time to go to sleep

How was tomorrow? I think you know what I mean.