If cigarettes didnt cause death the entire world, all ages and ethnicities would enjoy a nice cigarette once in a while. The blacks would enjoy their menthol packed newports while the cokeheads puffed on parliaments. Old men would enjoy their marlboro reds while the young kids would smoke marlboro smooths cause they taste like candy. Cigarettes just make you feel great.

A smoke after a meal? Nothing compares. "Nothing like a smoke after a meal" - Stand By Me reference for anyone who has seen that movie

Smoking while your drinking? Almost second nature. They go together like lamb and tunafish. Im not positive if thats the correct line from Big Daddy but ill stop quoting movies cause im annoying myself.

A smoke after sex? (Or jacking off in Rednotes case) Godlike. Smoking just enhances any and everything.

But everyone doesnt enjoy a wonderful smoke because of the shit side effects. It turns your skin into a shriveled ballsack, your lungs looks like Michael Jordans penis, and they are the worst thing you could do to yourself. This is why i have decided to quit and say goodbye to all the wonderful memories cigarettes have given me. That feeling you get when you buy a fresh pack and you just know you are going to smoke the living fuck out of each and every cigarette. Or all the homeless people who you charitibly gave a fresh cigarette to and just felt like you banged out your good deed for the week.

My reason for quitting my enjoyable hobby? Gods second greatest invention behind cigarettes, women. Or a woman in my case. Cigarettes and women have a lot in common. They are both great and make life better but will kill you. Its a known fact. Just like a cigarette gives you the satisfaction of feeling great a women makes you feel just as good when shes cooking you dinner or sucking your johnson. But with all those good feelings, cigarettes and women will fucking end you.

No im not sexist im just stating the cold hard facts. Women probably kill more men then cigarettes. So i replaced one vice for another. My chosen female doesnt like that i smoke and i like her more then cigarettes. Extra gay sounding i know but all men must give up something one day for their girl, whether its cigarettes, action figures, or your world of war craft account, you will give up something.

Just dont give up your dog. Dogs offer companionship that no human or cigarette can give. A dog will stick by you if you lose your job, lose a limb, or even lose your life. A dog will hop right in the fuckin casket with you.

Even if its still alive. That is fucking loyalty.

Uploaded 04/07/2010
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