Dangle's Plan for Survival Against a Zombie Outbreak

It would seem this idea of mass zombie attacks is a pretty popular topic. I had no idea what I started with the original zombie blog earlier this week. It has been fun, funny and entertaining. 

I've noticed people take techniques, strategy and preparedness very seriously in regards to zombie survivalism.   It is a great exercise trying to determine how you would survive a zombie attack. Personally, I feel being attacked by well armed, intellectually aware people is a greater challenge, but I suppose most people have no clue on that subject, so at least zombies give them a fighting chance.

So here are my ideas of how to survive an outbreak of zombies with help from Sun Tzu:

Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack.
Since there is no victory to be had in an attack against zombies, our survival relies on defence. Zombie hunters will parish.

All war is deception. 
This is where intellectually cognitive people have a distinct advantage. Zombies can be easily fooled. Baiting them with Neko alts, random pre-recorded gun shot sounds that confuse them, passages that form bottlenecks ending in areas full of mirrors and deep pits.

Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.
Basically, as this would apply to zombies, clean up after yourself. Don't leave behind objects and smells that might attract them. Cover up your tracks. Learn how to burn a fire without smoke going up into the air. I mastered this years ago at a survivalist camp. I paid lots of money for it and signed an agreement not to share it unless I was in danger.

Hence that general is skilful in attack whose opponent does not know what to defend; and he is skilful in defense whose opponent does not know what to attack.
Zombies are clueless. They do not know their only advantage is sheer numbers and overwhelming people. Create scenarios where they can be segregated, confined. Create confusing sounds, false trails that lead to giant  chasms that contain them.

If you are far from the enemy, make him believe you are near.
Again, pre-recorded sounds, scenes of human activity set by highly trained scouts to make the zombies think they are surrounded by humans.

The skilful employer of men will employ the wise man, the brave man, the covetous man, and the stupid man.
A mix of eBaumer's would make a great group. 

Thus it is that in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.
Here, you have prepared the battle field for the slaughter. You are now a master of Zombie killing. But do not become arrogant or lax with your victories. Always strive for perfection, pretend you are the enemy and how things may play out.

My strategy would consist of acquiring a helicopter,  bulldozer, back hoe and the overtaking of a remote water tower.  Drinking water would give my group incredible trading power. Around the tower a moat would be constructed. Beyond that stone walls would spread out like spokes on a wheel. As zombies approached they would eventually fall into the moat due to  back pressure. 

As the moat filled the zombie mechanical shredders would destroy them. The undead, now dead zombie parts, would  then be scooped up, placed in trebuchets  and launched to the outer reaches, eventually creating a mountainous region encircling the compound. At some point the mountains of dead zombies would make further zombie attacks futile. The chopper would then be used to gather fuel, food and other supplies. Over time the fully decomposed zombie bits would make excellent diesel fuel and fertilizer to grow crops under the rule of the New World Order. Led by, of course, King Dangle! 


Uploaded 06/07/2012
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