In addition to actual Olympic sports, the Olympic events include this thing called demonstration sports. Athletes don't actually get medals for these sports, they just do it to show off their weird hobbies, much like that stoner kid who always brings his juggling-sticks to a party. Demonstration sports from past Olympic games include favorites like cannon shooting, bowling, and korfball. Here are some of the funkier newfangled games that have been included in this year's lineup.
1. English Speaking
This one makes sense because the Olympics is a worldwide event and everybody in the world speaks English. Germany is expected to win this year.
2. Synchronized Water Birth
The Olympics is designed to showcase the natural abilities of the human body, the most miraculous of which is the ability to create life. First place is a baby, second place is a baby, third place is synchronized water.
3. Dr. Who Marathon
On the referee's mark, competitors from all countries press the play button on their DVD players and proceed to watch every Dr Who episode ever made. The first team to finish is the winner. No Bathroom breaks allowed.
4. Disney on Ice Figure Skating
See figure skating gold medalist Christy Yamaguchi star in the role of Belle as she flashes her panties for the glory of America and Asian assimilationists. Watch in awe as the Kenyan team performs a nationalist reinterpretation of Hakuna Matata.
5. Pogs (not for keeps)
With slammers in hand, competitors of each weight class face off for a heated battle of pogs. Nobody gets to take the pogs though, mom would get mad. Representatives from every pog-having country participate. With nerves of steel, seasoned professionals throw their slammers at up to 100 mph. This game is not for keeps though because pogs are expensive and I really like the ones I put in.
6. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon is predicted to finish in 6th this year.
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