(I hope at least one person understands the title of the blog...)
Greetings, girls and boys. Thank you for joining me, Ms Kitty, for another educational lesson for life. Today's lesson is education on ettiquette for sex. I've seen several blogs recently about oral and anal sex, so I feel it's time to give you your lesson.
First, be a courteous partner. Girls, if you expect oral sex, wash your crotch to make it more appetizing. Boys, if you expect your girl (or boy, whatever you like) to go down on you, wash your penis. We know what you use it for, and that you sweat down there, and an unwashed penis is not appetizing. This is double for an uncircumcised penis.
Also, gentlemen, if you're going to preform cunnilingus (that is the proper name, just so you know), please brush your teeth or at least use some mouthwash. Your mouth contains the bacteria that causes yeast infections, and women are far more susceptible to them than men (but yes, you too can get a yeast infection, and they are very unpleasant).
Gentlemen, if you expect your partner to shave her bikini line, or her entire pubic region, you'd better do the same. No one likes getting pubic hair in their mouths. Also, a well groomed pubic area makes for much better personal hygiene - this means you won't smell so bad!
It is best to keep your penis (and women, your vaginas) clean before sex. Uncleanliness is a recipe for urinary tract infections. So unless you enjoy feeling like having to pee every two minutes, and a painful sensation when you DO pee, then keep it clean.
If you're going to have anal sex with your partner, gentlemen, get some lube. Your girl (or boy) will be much happier that you're not ripping their rectum open because you think your pre-ejaculatory fluid is going to be enough. It's not. Get some KY. If you're wearing a condom, make sure that the lubrication you've selected is latex friendly.
Gentlemen, don't assume that a girl is on birth control if you don't know for sure. That's a recipe for disaster. Not to mention if you don't know that about her, you probably don't know where that vagina has been, so wearing a raincoat anyway wouldn't be a bad idea. Remember, an orgasm lasts minutes, but Herpes lasts forever.
Girls, unless you're married to him or in a very committed relationship, assume that he's been with about a dozen unsavory women and make him wrap it.
Gentlemen, most of you are missing out on some of the best feelings ever by not allowing your butt to be played with. Your prostate (the approximately walnut sized organ that is accessed via your rectum) is YOUR G-spot. It will enhance orgasms by ten fold.
Not everyone appreciated dirty talk. Especially if you don't know how to do it right. And most of you don't. :P
Last, but no least, I have three words for you: Learn her name.
Class is dismissed.