So, I roll in to my local grocery store to hit up the deli. They have these really tasty picnic wraps that I would step over my own mothers grave for. They are loaded with roast beef, mozzarella cheese and pickles. I really would step over my mothers grave for one. So I grab what feels like the heaviest one, I just like more bang for my buck, then proceed to hit up the express lane.
Now to give you a little lay of the land, the end of the deli where my beloved wraps are kept is only 15 feet away from the express line. On my 15 foot jaunt to the line, this old bitchy lady and her hillbilly husband motor right on in front of me, practically sprinting with a cart. Keep in mind I have ONE measly wrap. I would have been 3rd in line if it weren't for Ricky Bobby and his cranky old bitch.
Now you can understand that at this point I am pretty pissed off, not to mention under a 5 minute time frame, as I needed to be somewhere pretty damn important. Way more important than getting the mullet cut at the local Super Cuts. I proceed to give the stink eye, and I wasn't being shy about it. Well the old bitch sees this, and then proceeds to say to her hillbilly, "Here, you take some of this stuff and go through separately, I think we have too many things."
Well now I'm really pissed, I was too busy giving the stink eye to notice that they had about 30 things, which included 20 cans of pea soup. This line has a huge sign that says "About 8 Items". To me this means less than 8, or maybe 10 max. Not 20 FUCKING cans of pea soup. Oh what a cantankerous old BITCH! At this point they know I'm pretty pissed off, and it looks like that old bitch is actually relishing in my ire. Taking pleasure knowing that I gave her the stink eye, and rightfully so, and this is her shot at making me miserable. She proceeds to shoot the hillbilly smirks, which is pissing me off even more!
At this point, the hillbilly is on his way through with the 10 or so items placed upon him by his cranky old skank, which means it is now her turn with her 20 cans of, and I quote "pea soup with ham". The cashier puts 2 or 3 cans through, when the cranky old bitch says, "HEY! These are supposed to be on sale!" That's when the manager of the store, who is nicely taking time to bag everybody's groceries because of the now obviously huge line up says "I'm sorry, but it's the regular pea soup that's on sale, not the pea soup with ham." Well didn't that old bitch just turn 10 more shades of sour. Especially when the manager says to the cashier, "Void this transaction, and let this guy go through, we'll get a stock boy to grab these and switch them for you. Oh sweet justice! So I pay for my wrap with glee, and thank the cashier for my change. I turn around with the biggest grin on my face and look that old cranky bitch straight in the eye, and did my best impression of her smirking at the old smelly hillbilly. Oh what a miserable old bitch. She probably smelled like backfire for the rest of her rotten day.
On my way out, expecting to have spent 10 minutes in the line, I had only been there for about 2 or 3. This leaves me 2 minutes or so to hit the lottery booth just outside the grocery store. I place my 2 dollars on the counter, feeling quite vindicated that I now have time to buy my daily poker draw ticket. What do you know, I hit a flush in clubs! This equals out to a $50.00 instant win! Plus a chance at the nightly poker draw. Which I should say I didn't win that night, but who cares, I was $48.00 richer. And where's that old bitch? Eating her shitty pea soup, with no ham!
I love you Karma!