Pretty much everybody has a Facebook account. But more and more people make fools out of themselves, not knowing the proper FB etiquette.  As a Facebook expert and a total bad ass, I know all the rules and share them with you, common folk.

1. Profile Photo

Here are some examples of bad facebooking:

* duckface    || goal: look cute    outcome: people will think you're an idiot/douchebag

* lots of friends in photo     || goal: "hey people, look, I've got friends, derp!" outcome: "which one is you?" "Hahahahaha, look at this sad fuck, trying to prove he's got friends"

* pic with uglier friend:    ||  goal: appear prettier than your friend outcome: people will think you hang out with losers

* pic with prettier friend:    ||  goal: people will think you hang out with pretty friends outcome: you're uglier than your friend

* selfpic in mirror:      ||  goal: people will see you have a cool phone, you have big boobs, you look good, you're trendy outcome: people will think you're an attention whore (if you don't have your location specified, they'll probably think that you're Canadian too), and if you're a guy showing off your muscular body, now everybody has the proof that you're a fag


Here is what you need to remember about your profile photo:

Background: Definitely a restaurant. It shows how classy you are. And rich. You can afford going to a fucking restaurant! Make sure it's an elegant and fashionable place.

Hair: Better make a hairdresser appointment right before going to the restaurant in which you want to take your profile photo. Your hair must be perfect.

Dress: Something fashionable but still casual. Best colors would be black (makes you look slimmer) or gray (makes you look very elegant); Make sure it looks like it probably costed you a fortune (makes you look like you can afford fancy things)

Make up: Make sure you used toned down make-up. This way people will think you can either afford good cosmetics or that you don't need much make-up to look good - that's because you're gorgeous.

Drink: Always hold a drink on your profile photo. Make a "cheers" kind of pose. The best choise would be either wine or a colorful cocktail - people will think you're classy and drink wine (always choose red wine for your profile photo!) and that you can afford expensive drinks or that rich guys buy you drinks (because you're gorgeous)

Smile: Always show teeth. Tis way it's obvious that you can afford a good dentist, whitening and implants. If people remember how your teeth looked like when you were a kid/teenager, now they'll know you're rich and have a pretty smile (and they don't, in most cases). You can also put a photo of yourself as a child/teenager where you're teeth are visible somewhere in your album - that will show 'em! Implants cost a fucking fortune, that's right, bitches, I'm rich. Fuck you and your braces


2. Interests

Make sure there's a lot. Doesn't matter what you put there as long as you only include refined and classy activities, popular shows and hot actors/actresses. Refrain from using words like 'Canada', 'attention whoring', 'moose', 'beaver', 'maple syrup', 'mounties' and anything else that would make you look like a loser.


3. Friends list

Make sure your friends list has at least 1000 people. It shows how popular you are and that people like you. If you don't know who to add, just add spammers - they accept everybody.


Now, if you applied these rules, your successful FB profile should look similar to this:



This should help you enough to at least not look like a Facebook loser. You're welcome.
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MrsNekoJeans, voted Ebaumsworld's best blogger by everybody that matters. Wordsmith an a poet. Nominated for Pulitzer Prize twice. Famous reporter for the Meowly Meowmeow. Writer of the new generation according to the most popular critics.