A few months ago I realised something. Why lie? Why act like someone your not? Why keep things from the most important friends you have? And when I stopped lying to myself and stopped lying to my friends and started out almost clean with them all, some didn't like it.
At first they were fine and then all of a sudden they just stopped talking to me. Of course you would be confused right? God knows I was and still am! Its not like I changed.
Whats the Definition for a Best Friend? Someone you can talk to, trust, laugh with, hang out with, someone that you just all around get along with, and someone that welll like you for who you are. Lots of people have their own definition for a "best friend". I had one of those. But like I said they just..stopped talking to me.
Whats bothering me is that I don't even know what I did and nobody else knows. And if they do they just wont tell me. If I knew would I be able to fix it? Or at least make it so we arn't complete enemys?
I know a lot of people...I have over 150 people on facebook alone. Some have a lot more than that. But how many of them actually are your friend? Do you talk to them all? Confide in them? Trust all of them? Do you even know them?
The answer to these questions is simple for me. Not many are actually my friends. I know them all, but there are only a select few that I actually talk to all the time, trust (which is hard to find in someone), and that I know will always be there through the thick and thin. How can someone just get up and stop talking to their "best friend" without it bothering them?
I lost one of my closest friends to something that is well...stupid. Now that we don't talk anymore things are going to be strange, I mean come on we used to spend pretty much every day hanging out and having a good time and because I live in a smaller center we'll still see eachother around. Which doesn't make it easy to get over. I'm wondering if things can be fixed and the way they used to be? But thats yet another hard question to answer because now that a friends trust has been broken and feelings hurt that it would be a long time before anything was the same again.
Graduation is near, just around the corner, and I love all my friends so much and I miss the ones I used to have. So after all of this I have decided to try and make things right before the end of grade 12. I know they are probably just going to keep walking as I say hi to them in the hallways but I know that they can still hear me. Maybe they will realise that I want things to be better and they will try and fix things as well and start talking back to me (hopfully in a good manner haha). Its safe to say that this is still bothering me a lot. And if I can't fix anything in the year that I'm giving myself then so be it, ill move on. But until then why give up on someone that you were really good friends with?

Uploaded 08/11/2008
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