I've just realized something. My job is hysterical. My job is one of the most fantastic of any jobs ever on this planet. Oh yes, that's right, I'm an evil psycho clown at an amusement park during halloween season. I have one good story from this job that I wish to share. the rest are those annoying "had to be there moments" who doesn't hate those. The awkward silence after those stories and then the ...well I guess you had to be there. I would throw those people into a woodchipper. You would save so much more face by just cutting yourself off half way through. of course to do that you would have to be atleast slightly extroverted and realize that I'm way way gone, but most do not do that. Anyway
We've all seen them, we've all prayed that they were infertile and could not produce spawn and we've all had homicidal thoughts about them. Tough guys, and by tough guys I mean the ones that talk massive amounts of shit for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And seeing as how my entire job is to freak people out, I become the whipping boy of many of these social retards. Little do they know the wrath they are about to incur.
Now I'm two hundred pounds and five ten. I'll be honest I'm kinda chubby, not fat mind you, but pleasantly plump. Horizontally challenged if you will. But people do not realize how mother fucking fast I am. Thus was the case with this behemoth of a man two weeks ago.
I was standing there, doing my job, minding my own business(as much as I can while getting into people faces creeping them out) and I hear about fifty feet away "Hey you fat fuck!" I turn around and see what I at first thought was a tank. This guy was probably 280-290 and 6'5. So I give him a little cock of my head to make him know that I heard him (I have a mask remember).And he says " What you got a problem pussy?" Yes he was black but that's besides the point. And I take a single step forward(remember he's like a damn football field away from me) and he takes a step back. Aaaaahhhh.....big man's scared of clowns is he.
I take another step.
He takes another step.
I take another step.
He turns and runs as fast as he possibly could.
I bolt after him to the boistering cries of my now avid audience that were the guests in line for the haunted house I was by. Within seconds I'm behind him. He turns around and sees me, screams like a little bitch and runs (somehow) faster. We were by a rollercoaster and he was tired, adrenaline was pumping through me faster than indian food and I hadn't lost my breath at all. I ran around a building and he thought he lost me. He turns the next corner and see's my foot pop out from the corner. He tries to stop.
Big man hit's the ground. I walk slowly over to him, while he tries to collect himself and I bend over him. His eyes widen so much that for a second I thought I was watching one of maskedkillerguy's dates realize their fates and said "Who's the pussy now?"
I swear he wet himself.
Thegodlyone has spoken