George Carlin quotes

I believe George Carlin to be one of the most intelligent and "save the bullshit" performers of all time.  Here are some of his quotes.


"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."

"I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed."

"You can prick your finger just dont finger your prick."

"Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"

"What year did Jesus think it was?"

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

"So far, this is the oldest Ive been."

"I dont have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights"

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."

"If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him."

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."

"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.




Uploaded 05/26/2010
  • 1 Favorites
  • Flag
  • Stumble
  • Pin It