You are sick.  Each of you.  Anyone who desires the opportunity to witness a giraffe battle is, in all certainty, a smarmaphone.  That is without a doubt.  I am certain.  And, I am a velociraptor.  So don't question me.  Or I'll shred you like cheddar.

My mother was a snow-woman.  She killed her first husband, whose name was Frosty.  He was abusive and addicted to smoking corn.  I burned his corpse on a George Foreman Grill.

Tarantulas are a disgusting creature.  Snakes are the epitome of retardation.  Other than Brazilians.  Brazilians have shriveled brains.  Due to over-exposure to high radiation UV waves, primarily; however, bio-reptilian overload is also a contributing factor.

I have eaten 1,420 newts.  I have killed 122 caterpillars.  I have obliterated 137,210,442 members of the ant family. 

Suffering succatash. 

Gee whiz.  Ebaums world is mostly visited by post-menopausal, wilted, dilapidated rattle-bastards.

You shall all, hereafter, confer upon mine glorious soul, the righteous, divine, pristine title of: Ebauminator Extraordinaire!!

Signed,

Gorgalon, Lord of All Creation