As some of you already know, i got ratted out for hacking a local highschools computers and spent about 3 months in prison. on top of that i had to pay 10 grand in legal fees and shitty fuck of a lawyer. I thought i'd give you guys/gals a couple amusing and distrubing prison stories..
The first day of prison...
I arrive with nothing but a T-shirt and a wash-out eighties style jeans.. (vince neal looking douche pretty much). They ask me to strip for them.. which made me smile a bit because i blew all my money on strippers and booze the night before.. anyways, as i was stripping and showing off my skinny white ass, they ask me if i have anything to confess.. and i merely anwsered "what?". Apparently, that rose some suspecision or something so, one fat ugly mother fucking security gaurd had to stick his finger up my ass, looking for drugs, or a fucking nail file, i dunno. Anyways, little did that fat fuck know, i had to take a dump really bad from all that boozing the night before... so when he stuck his finger up my ass (he was wearing latex gloves) and found NOTHING, he definately found something else that needed to stay up there. I swear to god even though that stupid fuck was wearing a mask as well... i could hear him gag a little from the disgusting horror that came out of my ass. First day of prison, no too bad right? Me-1 Secruity-Shit.
As soon as it was recess, i knew i was going to get picked on, since i was one of the smaller degenerates of the prison population. So what did i do? i ran to the biggest dude out in the prison yard.. He was about 6'5" at least 300 pounds of muscle.. i tried to talk, say something but nothing came out.. i was scared shitless.. he just looked at me and said "aye mane, you look like shiit".
"im going to end up looking like shit by the end of the day... i need your help"
We made a deal.. each week i'd give him $300 in return i'd get hang out around "Frank the tank" as i like to call him and talk about his dream about becoming a famous movie star. Once i got to know the guy as the weeks pass, he was not that intimadating.. people are just too busy stereotyping.. oh look a big scary black man RUN! or cross the road and walk on the opposite side-walk.
Worst day in damn prison, (about a month and a half in)
It was recess again, as usual i never make any eye contact with anybody and go to frank the tank.. except this time.. he was NO WHERE TO BE FOUND we usually meet at the entrance of the prison yard.. but he was no where to be found.. then i see him all the way down at the other side i run as fast as i can (which is a no-no) and out of no where i get tackled to the ground by secruity. I was fucking mess, i landed head first into GRAVEL... not only was my nose broken.. but they had to pick out the little bits and pieces of rock shrapnel thats all over my face. Apparently, there was a rumor going around that there was going to be a hit that day.. Instinctly, the secruity gaurds see a guy sprinting down the prison yard they took action. They thought i had a shank or a screw driver in my right hand, so they proceeded to say "PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!" i was scared, i didn't know it was secruity. So, i just crawled up into a ball expecting a beating or a dick up my ass.. then whack!! i get hit with a damn night stick. At that point, i realized i wasnt getting raped litteraly, i was just getting raped by a damn night stick. As soon as i realized that, i put my hands behind my back and went into the damn wardens to explain why i sprinted faster than a speeding crackhead down the prison yard. After i explained myself to the warden who had a striking resemblence to boss hogg from the dukes of hazzard. He told me to that it was my fault and if i file a suit, its gonna hurt me more than help.. I said fuck it, ill suck it up and i asked to be returned to my cell and not be in the prison yard. There i was sitting in my cell wondering where the fuck is Frank, is he dead?, did he get released? what the fuck is going on?. 2 weeks pass by no frank.. all i did was be near the secuirty gaurds in the prison yard hoping no one comes near me..
only three more dreadful days before my release...
It was recess again, and as usual as soon as i enter the prison yard i walked to the nearest secruity gaurd.. only this time, as i was walking towards them, i get a tap on my shoulder... I don't know what that tap triggered.. but i felt like i was about to turn super sayin or something. I just felt a rush through my body and i turned around and kicked that fuck in the nads as i hard as i could and ran to the security gaurds... as i was running, i look back and realized i just kicked frank in the fucking balls and he fucking crying! the security gaurds run towards frank thinking he got stabbed or something, i made a good enough friendship with the secruity gaurd that he knew i was harmless... so anyways, after about 15 minutes of miserable pain for poor frank he regained his composure and walked towards me.. i fucking froze right next the security guard.. i told him "i think im dead..please dont let him kill me". So frank talked to the gaurd and they both walked up to me and frank said "im sorry.."
"you're sorry? i just fucking practically neutered you!"
"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!" i said
"Solitary confinement" frank said..
Apparently frank, as frank was walking and the other prisoners were walking out the prison yard a fight broke out when a white supermicist nazi wanna be yelled to frank "someone lynch that nigger".
Frank just ran towards the fuck and knocked him out with one blow and beat him half to death... when frank was done with the guy he had a collapsed lung a broken jaw 3 broken ribs.
LAST DAY OF PRISON!
I said good bye to frank and thanked him for protecting me(which i could've just fucking stood by secruity gaurds instead spending $300 a week on him) i realized i was going to miss that shithead. I told him to hit me up when gets out i can help get him back on his feet find a him a decent job (for his standards) and he'll stop stealing cars and robbing convenient stores for a quick buck.
Frank gets out in 2 and half years. I think he'll do fine prison after that display of ass kicking i don't think he has to worry about racist faggots messing with him again.