Have A Wasteland Thanksgiving!


Being stuck in the wasteland brings with it a full list of everyday hard ships and inconveniences that become included in your daily routine. Foraging for food or possessing valuable items deemed worthy for trade and bartering would be an ever present struggle in harsh, bitter realities of the post apocalypse when faring for survival. Yet, in all the raw madness of stressing times I can't help to wonder if upon the cresting of the holidays, whether or not small or large groups would gather and share in a common want towards the strength of family and tenacious friendships.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, my thoughts naturally grew curious on how one might go about preparing a decent Thanksgiving meal in the Wasteland to begin with. Given the idea that you already have a large bird of sorts or at the very least a large beast of questionable origin, obviously you'd be without the aid of an oven given that you would need propane or gas and not too mention.. most modern stoves have and electric starter. You could roast it on a spic, but to be honest the idea of needed man power during a time when celebration and festivity are supposed to the highlight.. well, it seems rather lack luster. Barbecuing the main course seems rather ideal however you would have to come upon the coal for it. That being said.. I'd like to propose my suggestion of a deep pit barbecue. For anyone who's not familiar, a deep pit barbecue is.. well, just that. More commonly used for luaus this method, in my opinion, is relatively easy to follow and most importantly simple to make and fun to do. You can build one your own (unless your a pussy) or you can buy some beer and include the help of your friends undoubtedly resulting in "good times".  With that in mind, let's get started!

Step 1: Now, there's a few things you're gonna have to do to prepare for your deep pit barbecue. First thing, you're going to need to dig a hole to accommodate whatever slaughtered animal deemed fit for feasting. You're going to want to make sure the hole allows about a foot or so of space on wither side of the carcass. Say I have a hog that's roughly 4' x 2'..  I'm going to dig my hole 6' x 4' making sure it's about anywhere from four to five feet deep.

Step 2: Next you need to decide whether or not you'd like to line your hole. You can use rocks the size of your face or brick. I have met plenty of people that don't line their pits. This is fine. However I like to take the time to do this because it ensures proper heat maintenance and distribution. Side note: If using rocks.. make sure they are not rocks in the ocean residing from the Paleolithic Era, ie have been in the ocean for a few million years or so. These rocks have a tendency to crack, break or down right explode under high heat!

Step 3: Get wood! *shields eyes* IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH!.. Ok.. just checkin'. Right, so I probably should have used this for step one, being that in the wasteland this might be the most time consuming and labor intensive. Unlike today's convenience, a person might have to set out a few days before they even think about digging their hole to scavenge for lumber or any other make shift fire wood. Once again, for this reason I probably should have listed this as Step 1, but I'm Gyps and I do what I want. MERICA! Moving along. Wood- you're gonna need it. A lot of it! See.. a deep pit barbecue is basically nothing more than an in ground oven. We can't have open fire on our food. That will cook it too fast, dry it out, and burn it. So instead of direct flame, we're gonna use charcoal. By now I'm sure most of you are thinking you can just rush to the Stater Bros. and get yourself a bag of Kingsford. Well.. first off.. let me remind you that you are going to be slow roasting your dinner for the better part of a day! The good news... you're looking at twelve to sixteen hours of drinking and horsing around with your buds while something fantastic is cookin' underground. That being said, I would suggest starting your fire to burn down to charcoal the day before you cook. You're going to burning wood for about 16 - 20 hours.

Step 4: Preparing your meat.. and I don't mean shaving your pubes, slapping on cologne and fapping out quickly before a date. Poultry can be prepared just as you would normally, however for hog or side of cow of considerable size, I would suggest a seasoned dry rub. If your roasting a whole boar, make sure to have something propping the hog's mouth open to vent the heat. This is why an apple is placed in its mouth. Now you need to wrap your meat. (put those condoms away!) All you really need is a secure package to hold the meat. Older methods call for banana or "large leaves". This works as a protective barrier against fire and offers moisture to the meat as well. Seeing as the average person wont be using banana leaves, not to mention those would be quite hard to come by in the post apocalypse, you can opt for a wet burlap sac. Now, some people do this.. some people don't. I find this added technique extremely helpful... wrap the whole thing in chicken wire.. staple the shit to the carcass if you have to. This ensures that nothing falls apart and the coolest part.. makes it A LOT easier to retrieve out of the pit using an armed hook or any other sort of hooked stick... thing. Side note: Please don't forget about lowering your meat into the coal. This can be extremely dangerous and I would more than suggest having a few friends to help you out with that part.

Step 5: Find cover. Now that you have your coals going and your food lowered into the pit, you need a lid to put on top of your in ground oven to keep it from firing back up and it will keep the temperature of the pit moderated. There are a few ways to do this. You can cover it in dirt which would be more wasteland.. or you can simply find some sort of metal sheet to use. Whatever you come across, you're just trying to keep air from getting into the pit.

Well, there you have it. Thanksgiving in the wasteland. It's possible. What I love most about this method is you can also wrap seasoned veggies in foil and throw those in the pit too! You have a lot of room to play and once again.. this is great way to feed a lot of people opening up the invitation for quite the festive setting to get together with your friends and loved ones. I hope all you Ebaumers have enjoyed this read, don't hesitate to inbox me if you'd like me to blog about other things pertaining to the post apocalyptic blog section and more importantly I wish all of you a jovial and happy Thanksgiving whether or not you choose to get shit faced and do illegal drugs.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving eBaum's World!

Uploaded 11/20/2011
  • 0 Favorites
  • Flag
  • Stumble
  • Pin It