Hell I went through after my separation in 2009-2011

After I found out that my ex-husband was  cheating on me in September of 2009, I started talking to a lot of people online in my free time, more than usual, because I am a naturally friendly chatterbox anyway, I started talking to Mr J.Taveras after a LONG time of me just ignoring his Instant messages, I said to myself, cant hurt-I am just talking, as usual. After a while we started doing all that lovey dovey stuff online (MSN emoticons and cutesy stuff), then thereafter a few enjoyable conversations and holding my attention, we decided to talk on the phone and webcam at the same time. It was fun, we would just make weird faces to each other, flirty faces/gestures, get the point. I made the decision that I liked him and asked him out, yes *I* had to ask *HIM* out, (smh). He said yes, and I asked him to come visit me in my state, He was in VA, and I am in NJ. About a month later he came to visit, stayed for a couple of days and I have never felt such an intense feeling of love and compassion. We clicked really well, so a few (or couple) of weeks later he came back, and I asked him to move in with me. He again, said yes. BIG, big mistake, it was fine and peachy keen in the beginning, I thought that I had found the one, boy was I WRONG!..I found out he was schizophrenic and bipolar and low an behold, also an alcoholic like my ex-husband. That was fine, because I am bipolar as well, but I I did NOT understand schizophrenia until that relationship, and of course sis not agree with the drinking. He said he was another person. He would use an alias in which he believed he was, when he turned into this person he would push me down, punch me, slap me, pull my hair and slam my head into the floor, then when he got all that anger out he was back to being his kind self and apologized to me sometimes. A few months into our relationship he became distant and treated me like a piece of crap, this is when the physical and verbal abuse started. He went out frequently and then I barely saw him,and I cried about it and all he could tell me was that I looked ugly when I cried and to shut the hell up because he is tired of hearing it because he was watching TV or trying to sleep. The only source of income I was receiving was from my job that I got fired from on April/2010, he would ask me for money and of course, I gave it to him, I found out from his *boys* (that were always hitting on me, used that to my advantage and be like ,hey so whatcha guys doing tonight, huh huh?:)). I always asked where they were going at these late hours every night (He always said a FRIENDs house), turns out they were hitting up strip joints, paying for strippers/alcohol, including the one he cheated on me with (He even had the gall to lend MY money out to his friends!) I found this out one day by trying to withdraw money from my account, and everything was gone and I overdrew my account trying to take out $20, while there was a good $200 and change in there. On April 2010 he slashed my arm (opposite side my wrist) with one of my swords from my extensive collection. I called the cops and I was questioned by then and they asked what had happened, and I lied and said that I was suicidal at that time, screwed myself, mentally in shambles. The cops confiscated my whole prized sword/knife collection, made me very depressed (because I had collected swords from horror/anime conventions and whatnot)..I figured he was just unhappy for me rambling on to him about me assuming that he was cheating on me after he stumbled into my house at around midnight (and the many calls I made to him because I hate being ignored and I dont care who you are, I will keep calling until you answer the phone) . I let it go, I always was settling in this relation ship, because *I was in love* *He could do NO wrong*, A year of hell passes and On Christmas Eve (4am) aka Christmas morning of 2011, He came in as stated, at 4 am in the morning, wasted out of his mind, He came in a basically I am going to hurt you attitude but I never would of thought this is what was going to happen. He screamed at me, waving his arms around and asked why I why crying at to stop my bullshit, I told him out of the days he goes out (aka all the time) he wouldnt even have the common courtesy to spend it me, the woman he supposedly loved, and my son on Christmas Day. Things were said back and forth and the situation just escalated, He ripped all the kitchen drawers out of the cabinet and threw all the utensils on the floor, he of course, went right for the knife and started swinging it around, getting more violent with it after every word in which we spoke to each other. I, at that point, tried to call the cops because in the condition he was in, I knew shit was going to hit the fan, royally. I had a sidekick LX at the time, he saw me dialing frantically and came over and ripped it from my hand and snapped it in half (aka snapped the screen from the keyboard part). So at this point, I am frantic, and he see that and he stabs me right in the chest with a kitchen knife, it while I was in the ambulance that I had realized he cut my arm too. I ran downstairs and quickly dialed 911 on my fathers land line and I told them that I had been stabbed and the cops were here momentarily. He barricaded himself behind the door, separating my bedroom from my kitchen, along with my sleeping 4 (at the time)Year old son (2 rooms away)(L-shaped apt.) It took a lot of time and talking for him to finally open the door and wake up and release my son. A few minutes after that he was taken into custody. I was transported to the hospital (with my son) and Received 3 or 4 stitches in m chest. A few hours later I was released from there and taken to the police station to make a report and put on the temporary restraining order. I went through with the TRO, and shortly after that we had the court date to finalize or dismiss the TRO, I chose to dismiss it (stupid me), and to write him letters, puzzles, visit him in jail, give him commensary, even after what had happened, After the courts date to dismiss the TRO, I just stared right him during the whole trial, He mouthed to me I love you and Im sorry. Of course I fell for it again, a few month after visiting him ,I bailed him out, for stabbing ME, yep. And he moved back in with me. There was a discussion in one of the visits to him in jail that I brought up, the DEAL was that IF I were to BAIL him out, that he would STOP drinking, and to tell me EVERYTHING that he ever did with any body else. He promised me, that and the world, of course. Longer story short, I bailed him out, and it took 3 weeks of begging to finally have him admit to me what he did when he was going out all those nights. He said that he had cheated on me about 6 times (which I KNOW is a lot more). And it was a PROVEN fact because you cant get chlamydia from having sex with a person who doesnt have it, and I Never, NOT once in my life, have I had a STD, thank god it was curable with a few days worth of pills. I always knew he was doing things behind my back and that just confirmed it. And I always shrugged off all my friends that said,hey your man was hitting one me, yadda yadda yadda. I always chose them over him, and now I absolutely regret it. The only people I would never put him over is my son and my father. He was really good to my son, and my son loved him to bits, that was probably why I kept him around so long, because he treated my son like gold, even though he put me through hell. So in march March/2011 he was bailed out, by yours truly, and in about Late April (April 10 being his birthday, and the anniversary of the last incident) things were going back to arguments and stress that I didnt need. I put up with it until December 18th/2011, on that day I asked him to leave, and later that day, changed the locks. I didnt hear from him for a while, so I thought that was it, he had forgot about me. On around January 7th he had called me to ask how me and the baby was and how our Christmas and new years was. I basically said fine and that I didnt really want to talk to him because he is not mature enough to be in a monogamous, non-abusive, mature relationship and that I cant be friends with someone that I am still in love with. So on January 15th 2012, we hung out and brought me and my son pizza, and we watched a movie, then he went home, he was really nice that day, so I asked him to come back the next day, and he said okay, so the next day he came over and stayed a couple hours longer, and gave me an Ipod (2nd hand) (Doesnt make up for the 37inch flat screen he stabbed 3x, My xbox 360 and hard drive he stabbed then through against the wall, the countless cell phone of his he broke and FORCED me to replace (or else..), my 6+ cell phones, my wii sensor bar, my beautiful glass table my dad had gotten for me, and I had to replace the ceiling fan/light fixture he had ripped off the ceiling on a mid-afternoon he wanted to sleep and I needed the light, so he ripped it down, and countless other things, but thats all materialistic crap, I got over it) The Friday after the 16th of January, When he last visited me, I went to Jersey City, NJ to get another restraining order. I was first heard by a hearing officer and was denied, then I chose to have my report heard by a judge, and he denied me as well. While I am in court, I get choked up, and cant really talk (and if I do, I sound cocky when I am nervous and trying to remain strong) So the details of my case I didnt get out because I was nervous but be weary ladiesHe will promise you the world, he is on SSI for a reason. He will Use you, abuse you, rinse and repeat. This concludes my story, yes it bounces around a lot, I hope it is understandable, but I just wanted to vent everything about him (2nd one) so nobody has to be put through the pain and suffering that I had to endure while I was ,and chose to, be with him. And to this day, he knows where I live (where he used to live, in my house with me), where I go to school, where my son goes to school, and even the gym that I go to!) so I dont know, I hope he doesnt come back, I tried to get the restraining order for me and my sons protection and the state of NJ, denied that safety to us, they say there has to be a NEW incident rather than the last 2, because after the fact of what he did, I did take him back. I want to get the restraining order and I dont know what else to do, I want me to be legally unable to talk to him, just in case I feel the urge, I didnt want to fall back in to his wrath and thats why I wanted an order of protection, and he lives only about 40 blocks from me, so he can pop up at any time, he always said he would come back and hurt me if I ever kicked him out, just a matter of when. That is my story, the story in the paper from Christmas is here: and here:
Uploaded 06/01/2012
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