Oh thank God! I think that piece of trash downstairs is moving out. She looks like Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog's offspring.

I'm walking my dog the first day that we are here and instead of saying hello, she sticks her obese head out of the door and says, "Excuse me. Did you know we're not allowed to have pets?" Then she says, "I had to get rid of mine." So I have to explain to this trick that the landlord allowed us to have a pet with a $200 deposit and that we were the first to be allowed to have pets. I know she didn't believe me. I told her to call the landlord and ask. You know that pond scum called him.

It's just a fact of life that miserable people love to make people around them miserable.

There is just something about a person that has a Harley Davidson plate of the front of their 1989 Ford Escort but they don't actually own a Harley.