Hiesenburg Goes Dress Shopping

I know you all are assuming at this point that I went shopping for a dress for myself. A few years ago you may have been right. I think we all went through that stage though. For me it was the law that ended my dress wearing stage.
If I may say so myself, I really do pull that off nicely. My shoe choice was atrocious but a man has to be comfortable. As long as we are admitting things I used to wear my girlfriends panties to work. I was curious and she never did any laundry so I really had no choice. Seriously though, how do you ladies wear those things? I literally had my finger in my ass for that entire month because of the constant wedgie. I would suggest to the ladies to not wear any at all.
I prefer ruffles but they tend to show through my jeans.
Anyway, Yes I went dress shopping with my daughter. It is her last dance of Junior high school and she wanted something special. She tried to go shopping with her friends but they obviously lacked the fashion sense that good ole Hiesenburg has. Some of their choices were hideous.

See what I mean. No fashionisto like myself would let his daughter go to a dance with the likes of this on. So I decided that since they used to call me Hiesenburg Ralph Lauren Mcgillicutty back in the day that I would treat my daughter to fabulous shopping experience.
Because I am trying to teach my daughter the value of monies we tried all the sale places where the 47% shop. TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Target, and Kohl's. Usually I would have my personal tailor sew something up right quick but I felt a lesson could be learned here.
Here she is after getting all flustered when she was measuring my inseam.
Moving on, we visited these stores and I went through the dress racks like a coyote goes through a compost pile full of culled birds. There were very few choices and I really think most men could design better dresses than what we saw. I swear, we men have to do everything these days. As my daughter tried on dress after dress I helped other ladies pick out and try on clothes. It wasn't too long when the manager approached me and asked me to work there. I had to decline though because I was focused on getting perfect dress for my young daughter.
See how happy those ladies are? Now I must make my daughter happy. Off to the mall we go. First stop Forever 21. This place is tricky and threw me for a loop. They confuse you with giant mirrors and pillars to keep you in there. It was kind of like being at the amusement park and going to the "house of mirrors". Then they don't put all the dresses in one spot so you could possibly spend 3-4 hours just looking. Although my daughter didn't find anything to her liking I did help ladies try on clothes and make smart purchases. I was rewarded with phone numbers and dates. Screw you Forever 21 for your store lay out though.
Finally we end our Journey at Macy's. This was the perfect place and had all the party dresses in one spot. So I went to work and do what I do best. My daughter tried to pick out her dress but fashion sense was something that was not passed down through our genes. Bless her heart, she did try so hard. Luckily I came across a nice navy blue number that was priced reasonably and is what I like to call, sophisticated and classy. This is something all you dads will have learn if you don't want your daughters to be dressed like a truck stop whore. Maybe one one day I will have a fashion workshop for the ladies that read this blog. I specialize in bathing suits though.
Uploaded 02/06/2013
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