Some Funny quotes said by people you would'nt expect.

Winston Churchill - (replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, You're drunk!') Yes, Madam, I am drunk. But in the morning i will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Woody Allen - The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

Araham Lincoln - If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Oscar Wilde - I can resist everything except temptation.

Steven Spielberg - Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?

Robin Williams - Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight you can tell what religion they are.

Billy Connelly - What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they dont understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger... a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

Benjamin Franklin - Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Tommy Cooper - My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave". I had the car out in thirty seconds.