I'd like to share a little about my self, the one known as Dave.

I was born in a hut on the bank of the Conchos river, with 12 brothers and 1 1/2 sisters.

At age 2 I was verbally raped by a newborn calf.

I woke up and decided it was time for a change.

I moved to Detroit when I was 4, and obtained a job at the local porn bodega.

After being robbed thrice, I headed west to pursue a film career.

Unfortunately I failed miserably and became a low budget porn star with 6 fingers.

Pay was so low that i was forced to live on the street.

So I whistled for a cab and when it came near the licence plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror.

-Eastside Side Dave