To be a conservative is really hard. But with these steps posted below; you can be as conservative as Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly.
1) You have to be a dedicated Christian (Preferably Catholic) Because Catholics have been known to declare Christian 'Jihads' against the Turks, The Moors (A black and arab race that ensalved white Europeans), and killed a shit load of Jews all in the name of Jesus Christ.
2) Believe God hates everyone except Christians and Jews, so you have to declare war and kill them..
3) Believe God hates socialism, but in the bible Jesus speaks of socialist ways.
4) Hate blacks, muslims, hispanics, and Arabs.
5) Believe that blacks, hispanics, and or muslims will invade the suburbs, so you have to own atleast 1 shot gun, 1 rifle, and a semi automatic pistol in every room (even your childrens room.)
6) Love big businesses, Ronald Regan himself was a puppet for Merrill Lynch as Bush was a puppet for Halliburton.
7) Believe Israel has the right to bomb and kill innocent Palestinians because God gave them that land. Even though they were casted out for a thousand years and came back on a UN resolution and then went and conquered Palestine.
8) Say some off the wall shit about killing people. "We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." - Ann Coulter
9) Be as loud as you possibly can to believe that your opinon is worth something. I advise you when doing this say "Shut up" as much as you can, then point your right index finger in the man or womans face at the same sequence of shouting.
10) Believe marijuana is bad for us all, it will kill us, it will make you abuse your children. But please, abuse alcohol and get some DUI's and DWI's like ol' Bush.
11) Blame Mexicans you lost your job. (I look at it like this, if you had a college education you wouldn't be working on a farm, so blame yourself for your laziness.)
12) Believe big business deserve tax cuts and stimulus packages to invest in nice g5 jet.
13) Believe school education is set up by democrats and never use them, believe everyone is against you.
14) When you attack someone use your Christian faith to justify it.
15) Believe the white race is superior
16) Be a complete zionist, I mean to the point of almost becoming border line Jewish zionist.
Now if you follow those rules day, by day, by day, by day. You will be a conservative.
Let's end with some crazy shit conservatives do.
"I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it." - Ann Coulter.
"If I'm the president of the United States, I walk right into Union Square, I set up my little presidential podium, and I say, 'Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you're not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead. And if Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead." - Bill O'Reilly.
"So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business..." --as quoted in a sexual harassment suit filed against him by a Fox News producer, 2004 - Bill O'Reilly
"Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization...And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon [are doing]." The Glenn Beck Program
''African-American is a bogus, PC, made-up term. I mean, that's not a race. Your ancestry is from Africa and now you live in America.'' Glenn Beck, on his radio show, Jan. 7, 2010
''This will play right into Obama's hands. He's humanitarian, compassionate. They'll use this to burnish their, shall we say, 'credibility' with the black community -- in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country. It's made-to-order for them. That's why he couldn't wait to get out there, could not wait to get out there.'' Rush Limbaugh, on Haiti earthquake relief, Jan. 13, 2010
''So that's what we want is a secure and sovereign nation and, you know, I don't know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don't know that. What we know, what we know about ourselves is that we are a melting pot in this country. My grandchildren are evidence of that. I'm evidence of that. I've been called the first Asian legislator in our Nevada State Assembly.''Nevada GOP Senate candidate Sharron Angle, speaking to a group of Hispanic highschool students, Oct 15, 2010. '
'In case anyone's wondering out there, yes, they're both available. ... Only kidding. Only kidding. Arianna is definitely not. But Ayla is.'' Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA), pimping out his daughters in his election night victory speech, Jan. 20, 2010
''My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better.'' South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer (R), arguing that government food assistance to lower-income residents, including food stamps or free school lunches, encourages a culture of dependence, Jan 24. 2010