How To Get Laid. 100 Percent Guaranteed.

Before I was married I had a date almost every night. I am very good looking now, but when I was in my twenties the ladies would slip off their stools when I walked into a bar. However, due to my low self esteem at the time, caused by the curve in my erect penis, I still felt a need to impress my date to ensure happy endings.

I quickly realized that a handsome tip to the waitress or waiter was some kind of aphrodisiac and depending on the amount of the tip, my lay to pay ratio was proportionately related. Fifty-fifty was $20.00 and a crisp $100.00 bill was in the sac, purring like a Cadillac! 

Of course, I couldn't hit up my rich Auntie for a couple of hundred every night, take it out of my inheritance and stealing was so passe, so I devised a system to get my way with the ladies. You might want to try it yourselves, but be warned it takes finesse, sobriety and charming good looks, which I so gratefully posses. 

What I used to do when the bill came to the table, inside those leather folders is make a point of counting out the exact change. This catches the attention of my sexy date. At first, most ladies will kind of squirm a bit thinking, " Is this guy going to be a jerk and leave no tip?"  Then you pull out a crisp $100.00 bill and lay it on top of your payment, as you look into her eyes and say, "This evening with you has meant so much to me, I feel it only right to generously  thank the people who made it possible." It's like the most powerful love potion known to mankind.

There was one young lady I tried it on, who shall we say, was not a student of finishing school and with a quick snatch grabbed hold of that bill, (it was a twenty, she wasn't worth risking the hundred) and said, " Screw that, I'll do ya for this twenty." And she did. But I digress.

There is a trick to all of this and it takes a bit of practice and slight of hand. When you lay that bill down, you leave about one inch sticking out the bottom. As your new seductrice looks passionately into your eyes,  you suavely  close the booklet with just enough force that says, "This deal is made, now lets make it".  When your server arrives, you pick up the booklet place it just out of sight below the tables edge and remove the bill by it's dog ear, while thanking the server for a great evening. 

Now keep in mind you could loose your money if the server snatches up the booklet, because you are drunk and inattentive. You could also lose your date as well and experience erectile dysfunction when you go to jerk off. Then there is the problem of it being a restaurant you really like. For these institutions, I place my obligatory fin slightly off set from the lure and make the distinction when I reel in the big one. 

I place this great knowledge in those who have taken the time to read yet another one of my awesome blogs as a I sip a pina colada  from the shores of Waikiki.  

Uploaded 07/13/2012
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