Jehovas Witnesses - Answer the door naked and invite them in for a cocktail, they will avoid your house in the future.

Telemarketers - Ask them their name and start ranting about how you might be related.  Then tell them they need to talk to your sister and leave the phone off the hook for 10 minutes.  They will take youu off of their list.

People in line that take too long - Start mumbling about having to puke and that you are about to toss your cookies.  They will move!

Door to Door Salesmen - Invite them in, but tell them they will have to join you in prayer over your piece of toast with the image of Jesus on it.

Aggraving kids that play in your yard - Ask their parents where the local newspaper office is so you place one of those convicted sex offender ad thingies.

The aggravating girl or guy that will not take no for an answer - Tell them you really want to get serious, but they will have to take these little pills the doctor gave you so they will not get those damn fever blisters like you get all the time.

Spam - Forward your other spam to them.