I just need to say that I am you. I am everything about you. I am your job, your house, your car. I am your son. I am your father. You know what? I don't like me. So, I don't like you.
That's kind of an odd paradox, huh? Don't you guys think that the idea that Subway is fresh is ridiculous? Does taking the meat out of a tub and microwaving it in front of me make it fresh? I'm not sure, but no one has sued for false advertising as far as I know.
I don't believe in headaches. Ever since I stopped believing in them, I stopped getting them.
One of the biggest waste of taxpayer dollars is the printing of "No Parking Any Time" signs. Why don't they save some paint (i.e. some $) and just say, "No Parking Ever"?
The other day, I was walking through downtown Eden when I saw Elvis Presley riding a velociraptor. I knocked both of their asses out. I only like Christmas music.
When I was born, the doctor said that I had a 20% chance of survival. I poisoned him with the chemical I had been brewing for 7 and a half months in my mother's womb. The nurse gave me twenty bucks.
I once saw a sasquatch and I shot it. I tried to carry her body out, but it was too heavy. I went to get some help and came back, but when I did, two wolves were eating the carcass. I shot the wolves but the gunshot alerted their wolf gang to my presence, and a pack of thirty one wolves emerged from the blackberry thicket to my immediate right. I capped one wolf, but was immediately bit in the armpit by his brother. I apologized and the wolves let me leave.
Remember when Kramer cancelled his mail? My dad was a mailman. I hate Seinfeld.