First of, Ad sorry I spelled your name wrong in the title.
Secondly, I decided to write this after last nights experience.
So as a second job I work as an "angler".That is their affection name for us servers although we never truly fish( i do in the summer so its okay I guess) With that said, most people will know where i work just from that statement alone.
Now my list:
The lonely- These people come in and sit by themselves. I understand that sometimes you just want to eat out alone or just passing through on whatever journey you may be on. These are the people that need your attention. They feel that just because they are by themselves that they can talk to you non-stop with out coming up for a breath. With out being too rude you must interrupt them mid rant and take care of the other tables you have running. I usually do not mind the lonely it gives me a second to stand still without getting yelled at.
The grumpy old- Yea yea i get it, be kind to old people they were here first. They cant hear, they talk very low, and walk very slow. Since fish seems to be a geriatric magnet i deal with them on a more high frequency, but not as popular as those pesky "early birds". No butter no salt no this no that and god forbid you get it wrong. I once had this guy slam his hand down into his food because there was seriously a green speck of parsley on his plate. Food was everywhere, on him, his wife(she just sat there by the way. didn't even flinch when he slammed his hand into his food like she knew it was coming.) the floor, the table, me ,in his water. god that was a bitch to clean up. Then he demanded a new plate of food because well it was smashed to bits and pieces. Did we accommodate? Of course! Smile and nod I always say. Then i present their 123.00 bill only to see .50 in my tip jar. WTF is this 1934? I have a kid to feed plus it costs me 4% of my sales to tip out the host. Fifty cents doesn't cover that.
The silent - I hate these people with passion. Seriously if you are not happy please tell me. Do not tell me everything is wonderful then turn to my boss and tell him after we can not do anything that your experience was horrific. If i give you a stink eye and I don't know about it please tell me. Ill return with a coke and a smile. If your food in anyway is not up to par. I beg you tell me. I will have my manager hand deliver you a piping hot plate of your dish du' jour. Don't sit there being unhappy, it makes me unhappy.
The Family- I love my son. I hate everyone else's kids. No offense to all those with kids. My son is no angel. Not the cleanest kid in the world. But i did raise him to have respect of others and their property. People do not bring your kids into any restaurant and expect your server to baby sit. I have a job to do and i was never hired as a baby sitter NO WHERE IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION DOES THAT LIE. Do not allow your kids to run rampant around the restaurant. They will get hurt. Then you will yell at me because i did not watch where i was going . then I have to tell you what a god awful parent you are because you don't have the decency to tie your kids up somewhere. Seriously I do not bring my kids to your workplace and have them run around you in circles. My sugar packets are not their toys, after your brat is done with them I have to reorganize it. Thanks, you just wasted more of my time when I have hot food to sell. Lets discuss after you leave. Your table looks like a bomb hit it. Do you really let your children do this at home? Look i know kids can be messy but like that? Holy shit do you even have the decency to apologize? Nope, Do you even attempt to clean it up? Nope. Only once in the 12yrs that I have served have a ever seen a woman ask me for a broom and apologize profusely for the mess her children left behind. I refused her the broom and told her to go ahead and I thanked her for being a decent human being. Oh btw Cheerios are not on the menu please take them when you leave. No we do not have Chocolate milk or "white" milk or even juice. We do not cater towards kids. But I do have an extensive list of bourbon if you would like me to liquor them up. It does not say chuckie cheese outside. If you want a family themed restuarnt Chili's is the next exit 30 seconds away.
The Holier-than-thou-art - My job is not for me to fund my next frat party. I have an education and work very hard for my money. I am not stupid, I know how to speak proper English properly. I am 29 yrs old with a 9yr old and I have another full time career. Because of the state of the economy I was FORCED to get a second job. Serving is where i had the most experience and I get more $$ for my hour than scanning/bagging your fucking groceries. Do not sit there thinking you are better than me, because even if you have all the money in the world does not mean you have an ounce of class.
The inspiration from this blog came besides from Ad was last nights "guest". Last night we got pretty busy, we hit a wait of 45 mins. The last one on a wait was a lone woman. I was up at the host stand when this started to go down. waving her buzzer in the air like it was acid in her hands she shouts from the wait area. "i have been waiting for 10 mins is my damn table ready yet?" Mike turns to her and says "Ma'am we are just clearing the table now." I look at him and say "if you give me this woman i can guarantee you will never have children. EVER." he giggles and says not a problem. Sends her to someone else's table. Now this woman was nasty, and when i say nasty i mean you look at her a she just oozes evil. I wound up running her food and drinks. I bring her the sirloin steak she ordered, and she is on her cell phone, talking to Linda. I know this because she says "hold on Linda" and without looking at me reaches out her Craggy hand and grabs my breast hard. I turn into a 50yr Italian mobster guy and say "ooh wtf" at this she squeezes tighter. "lady if you do not take your hand off my breast you will not live to eat that steak." ( seriously this is what i said). "Don't talk to me like that!" I turn to the table behind her who is watching all this and say "you see this right" they all nod flabbergasted in agreement. As I am dealing with this elderly groping lesbian? the guy at the table behind me gets my manager for me.(awesome look out dude thanks). As she finally allows the blood to circulate back to my breast she demands blue cheese dressing and is complaining about the portion size. When my manager comes over she says "she cursed at me" He looks at her and says "Ma'am we do not condone inappropriate actions towards our servers." At which point i walked away. Never to return to that heathen bitch again. My mgr came into the kitchen laughing and asking me if I liked it. I told him to go fuck himself and gave him a swift kick in the ass.
I didn't go to into the demanding portion of this blog because it would not support the character weight behind it.
So with that said. I am very tired and having a issue sitting at my desk considering the heat is blazing and its unusual quiet. Calm before the storm I guess. I am happy though i took a half a day after my boss came back from vacation today. Hey its her ship today let her sink it.
Those are my two cents I want my change.