Incredibly Irritating "Rockstar" Wannabes

     I am fucking pissed off at all these stupid Disney and Nickelodeon "Rock Stars." A few examples: Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, Drake Bell, the Naked Brothers Band, etc. First of all, they make horrible music. I know that music is subjective and just because I hate it doesn't make it a fact that their music sucks, but I can't see how anyone could possibly see beauty in such bland, mundane melodies and such shallow, predictable lyrics. Besides, nothing sounds good when sung by a kid on the thresholds of puberty. It just doesn't sound right when a voice runs the gamut from squeaky soprano to the deepest baritone. It sounds awful. 

    Second, I hate the way that these "rockstars" are portrayed like such fucking stereotypical poster children. Rock N' Roll is all about rebellion. I know it's cliche`, but I challenge anyone to name a single Rock n' Roll song whose central message is conforming and following the accepted rules of society. Think aout it: Nirvana, Twisted Sister, Judas Priest, Rage Against The Machine, Pink Floyd, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Sex Pistols,even Elvis Presley! Some of the greatest groups in Rock history, and guess what their songs were about? Rebellion! Reform! Change! None of them supported corporatism, such as promoting such huge establishments as Nickelodeon and (especially) Disney.

     Third, there's a reason people say "Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll." That's because Rock is even better when combined with generous indulgence in carnal pleasure and mind altering chemicals. WAY better. Of course, you can't show little ten year olds snorting a meter-long line of cocaine and then fornicating with a trashy groupy on the Disney Channel. Not saying that sex and drugs are necessary for Rock n' Roll, but it enhances it. Just watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, or The Wall, or Detroit Rock City. Would it be the same if Raul Duke was popping Smarties instead of pills, drinking sparkling mineral water instead of hard liquor, injected the flu vaccine instead of heroin, and sucked a lollipop instead of smoking a cigarrette? If that ever happened, I would bitch slap Hunter S. Thompson. Censoring sex and drugs is effectively watering down 70% of the Rock & Roll lifestyle.

       Lastly, I absolutely abhor the way that each group thinks it's the biggest thing ever to happen to music and they are the hugest rockers in the fucking world. In reality, no-one gives a fuck about these people outside their sponsoring channel (with the unfortunate exception of Hannah Montana). Well, I do, obviously, but it's in a less than flattering context. Seriously, these people aren't even fit for playing bar- mitzfas and church-sponsored charity events. I probably exposed many people to these self-proclaimed celebreties for the first time in this ranty blog.

         Well, now you all know of my loathing of those bratty kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that kids can't rock; in fact my 10 year old cousin rocks wat harder than alot of trend-whore teenagers. It's just that these particular kids are a disgrace. Let us all hope and pray that Ozzy will bite their heads off.

Uploaded 06/12/2008
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