It is odd how attached memories are to music

I am pretty sure everyone enjoys their music but I don't know, to me music was a big part of my life and helped me get through alot of crap throughout my childhood and really helped me to block stuff out and/or ignore it. Most of it just helped me release things so I didn't really have that 'bottled up' effect. I don't really feel like going through my life history with you ebaums but until I moved to florida to go to college my life was pretty crap most of the time, I never wanted to be home and never had a way to get away from home and especially away from my dad (dad by adoption mostly).

Aside from all that I just wanted to catch you up on how much I listened to music because it was pretty much non stop, at home, bus to school, breakfast, chores, chopping wood, mowing lawn, study hall, even when asleep I would play music to help me fall asleep sometimes. And I am amazed sometimes on how listening to random music that I used to listen to alot will jerk these memories out from the depths of my brain.

I was roaming through my music collection a few days ago and I stumbled across my Static-X stuff. I just wanted some background music for Fable 2 playthough again so I figured I would listen through it some more. Threw all of Static-X on shuffle and played. La la la. Then I got to a song and I was hit in the face with memories. Name of the was Cold. Not the greatest song but I believe it was made for(or at least featured in) that one vampire movie *googles* Queen of the Damned, that was it. And as soon as it started playing I was rushed with memories. See I had a girlfriend and she was obsessed with the vampire thing, read all the anne rice books all that stuff  so we went to watch that movie in my parents bedroom (they were the only ones with a work vhs player in their room). Of course half way though she wanted to make out which I had no problem with, I was like 18, she was a fox, literally, red hair, fucking amazing natural breasts, great body, cute face, good fashion and amazingly intelligent.

Of course now I am just staring at the tv screen rethinking all this stuff. And it occured to me how much she wanted to make out and have sex. Like I said I had no problem with it really. I loved the sex and everything but for some reason she was so closed about it and everything was done by what she said. I could only cum if she said, we never really talked about sex outside of having sex, and she was even embarassed enough to not even want to tell me about her masturbation if she even did. I mean our relationship was great besides that, but it was one of those highschool loves were one person thought this was the greatest relationship and doesn't want anyone else ever and knows they will be together forever ( and the other person isn't sure about anything except the now (her). So needless to say the breakup was terrible for me, one of those soul crushing kinds. And she still haunts my mind just about everyday and there is no way for me to amputate these thoughts out of my ...well... thoughts. But thinking back on it now our relationship was just pretty much hang out sometimes, most of the times watch movies, and the rest was sex. But our whole relationship was pretty much sex and that was about it.

I have digressed much more than I planned too. And I apologize for the stream of conciousness writing but all of this was just my rant on how all of this stemmed from that one song that just happened to play while I was paying attention to the music and brought me through all of these thoughts and memories and realizations really.

I mean I have other attachments that will hit me randomly of memories to music. Like wheneve rI listen to KoRn (not much anymore) I always think of blitzball from FFX because the time I was wasting on that side game was all spent while listening to there cd's. Or playing Driver and listening to Slipknot's first cd. Or the countless hours of my first WoW character while listening to Daft Punk. Lots of odd things like that.

Well before I randomly rant anymore I should end this. Thanks for reading my random stream of conciousness thought blog.

Uploaded 04/17/2009
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