I ride dinosaurs on a regular basis. I prefer the ergonomic riding functionality of velociraptors; however, their stench is frequently unbearable. Amidst my most recent v-raptor equestriation, the odor became so overwhelmingly vomitous, I was forced to plunge a sharpened zip-tie into the femoral artery of the ferocious beast. It simply infuriated the disgusting bastard, so I neutralized the threat by placing my iPod headphones into the animal's distented ears and blaring bon iver. It immediately surrendered.
I am not a fan of Elvis. He was a fat bastard with poor taste and women and a low tolerance for narcotics.
I love reality shows. I am particularly intrigued by Dora the Explorer, which clearly delves incredibly deep into the human psyche.
I do not believe in Australia, primarily due to the staggeringly presposterous nature of kangaroos and koala bears. These are simply chimerical, hallucinatury fabrications of fancifully liberate minds.
My diet consists of llama and shark, which contributes directly to my paralyzing physique. I am 315 lbs, 4'4" tall, and equally wide.